Question for mothers

Yes and no. My relinquished son is 24, nearly 25. My raised girls are soon 7 and 5. I have had REALLY intense feelings since reunion with my son. Almost like having a crush on someone? falling in love with someone? Not in a twisted way, just in intensity of emotion. Now that has evened out a bit. I don't think I love any more or less, but it IS different. I'll never have the connection with him that I have with my daughters. He doesn't need me in the same way. We don't have the history together, the shared moments throughout his growing up. I miss that. I do feel a bit more distant from him. We do live 6000 miles apart, but I mean emotionally as well. I think it's me protecting myself though. It's something I need to explore. :-) Deeper love, I don't know. Different, definately. Hope that helps.

I wish I could answer your question but I never had other children besides my placed son. I often wonder if some of the intense feelings that have come up since getting his identifying info and having him become more "real" to me (instead of what felt like a "phantom child" not knowing who he was or where he lived and such) are similar to the feelings moms in general have for the kids they are raising. I do know since having his identity revealed, I think about him tons more (and that's a LOT because I always thought about him very much), I worry about him more, and I have more of those typical "mom" concerns (i.e. "is he eating OK?") that I'm sure would absolutely drive him NUTS if I were expressing them to him. I think if I did have other children, like Quantum, the feelings would be different for the raised children because I'd be doing the actual parenting and they would need me in ways that my son and I didn't get to experience. I'm not saying I'd love them more or less, but there would be so many different emotions involved with my placed son, and in reunion, there is so much intensity and blindsiding emotions that are different from when you have a child from birth that you live with and raise day in and day out.

Everyone that I know who has multiple bio children says they love their children equally but also differently. I placed a son for adoption 18 years ago. I was never able to have anymore bio children so I adopted a son 14 months ago. I have loved and missed my placed son everyday of his life and I still do. I am absolutely in love with the son I adopted too. I am not in reunion yet with the son I placed. Since I have an actual relationship with the son I adopted I love him differently than the son I was never allowed to meet. However, I love the son I placed just as much as the one I am raising. When my placed son turned 18 I sent him a letter telling him I would love to meet him whenever he was ready. I haven't heard from him yet. We'll see if my perspective on this question changes if or when he ever contacts me.

I have to wonder if women who raised more than one child love each of them differently. I'm pretty sure my mom, who raised 7, loved each of us in a different way as we all had different personalitites.Outwardly she seemed to prefer some of us over the others but maybe in her heart we we equal. I look at my situation and I see how I react diffrently to each of them. I have a daughter who was adopted and a son I raised as a single parent. The fact that one is male and one is female makes for a difference right off the bat. They have different personalities also. One was previleged and the other struggled with me in life. One had lots of family and one only had me to rely on. My daughter is a people pleaser and my son is not and never has been a people pleaser and gets a kick out of setting himself apart. My son is artistic and creative and my daughter isn't so much. Actually, she may be but her creativity has never been nurtured. She is just beginning to explore that part of her since having known me. My daughter loves animals like me but my son couldn't care less for them. I have a long history with my son and a very short history with my daughter. How they are the same is the distance between us. Both are involved in their own lives. I struggle to keep a relationship going as much with my son as I do with my daughter. My daughter has a family and a life she is busy with and my son, well, he's just self involved and has no better excuse. I react very differently to them because of their different personalities and their different circumstances.The only place where they are equal is in my heart. Its always been on me to keep a relationship going with my adult children and sometimes I just want to throw up my hands and walk away because the battle so far is up hill only.

Besides my 2 daughters, one I'm raising and one I placed, I also have two step kids. I don't feel I love any of them more than the other. They are all my kids and I'd do anything for them. But there are definate differences because they are different and my relationship/bond is different. I know I often focus more energy on my stepkids and the daughter I placed. It's not that I take for granted that Sasha is always here like some people accuse me of. It's that I know she's okay and well cared for. I have no idea what SE's life is like or how she's doing. And my step kids...Lets just say I'm not the only one who is very concerned about how they are living when they are not with my husband and I. I imagine there will be more of a need for approval when/if I reunite with SE. Sasha and I have had her whole life to sort out bondaries and for testing each other. Maybe it makes a difference that Sasha is the oldest. But I don't know because my shoes are the only ones I've ever walked in.