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DH and I are hoping to start the adoption process again this next fall. Here is my question and hopefully it doesn't offend anyone.
DH wants to request that we only be presented to birth moms pregnant with girls and I'm torn. Part of me feels that getting a specific gender is one of the perks of adoption. The other part of me feels that we would be limiting God and if he wants us to have a girl he will give us one, but if there is a boy out there that needs us we will get him. We had a failed adoption of a little girl and it would be fun to experience all the girl stages and not just the first month. We only have a girl name at this point but I don't see that as an issue if we get a boy we'll figure it out. I'm rambling...sorry. What do you think?
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Hi - We did a gender preference with our 2nd adoption, and "preferred" a girl.
Now - that said, we also decided that we would go into this knowing that ultrasounds can be wrong and we would be committing to the Expectant Mom and baby, as a good fit for all of us, not just because the baby appeared to be a girl. We also agreed, that we would be willing to match with someone who didn't know the gender of the baby, for whatever reason. We knew the "odds" of our 3rd child being a girl were good, but the fact was, we wanted a 3rd child. When we got married we always said that if we had 2 boys (or 2 girls)we would try for a girl, (or boy) but that if we had 3 of the same, that was the mix God wanted for our family.
We talked to 2 women prior to DD being born, and both asked this very question. And, it is an important question for you and DH to come to terms with. I have a very dear friend who for various reasons had monthly ultrasounds. ALL the ultrasounds confirmed that the baby was a girl. Her nursery was painted with HER name painted on the wall. Imagine their surprise when their SON was born. They had great support from their family and by the time they figured out what to name him, her name had been painted over, and the pink bedding had been replaced with more boylike stuff.
Good luck!
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We're looking into adopting from foster care, and I prefer boys. DH doesn't care, but I've never been really "girly" and relate more with bugs, dirt and snakes than makeup, manicures and tea parties. Since the "girl" stuff would be left more to me, I'm guessing that's why Dh doesn't care, lol. I think I'd be a disappointment to any girl short of a serious tomboy like myself (I have one dress, no skirts). I can bait a hook, but forget eyeliner. I think that having a gender preference is ok, and in some cases, might work out better.
We have two boys, so yes, we'd love a girl! We are only working with a referral service at this point, and were contacted about a girl in Dec., which ended up failing at the last minute. I hate to close my heart to ANY potential situation, however, we know we can only really afford one more child...and I don't want to miss my chance to do all the girly stuff. Michelle
Just my opinion, but i think you should just be happy with whatever you get, boy OR girl. I have a son and we are adopting and as much as i would LOVE a girl, i just feel like its being too picky. If you are meant to have a girl, then God will make it so you will. You cant mess with Gods plan, he wins everytime!!! Rach
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I think it's just fine to request gender. Some emoms, however, won't match with people requesting gender.
We were already raising 3 daughters and requested to be matched with a mom expecting a boy. We were matched quicker than we expected (total God thing). After three weeks of bonding with the mom and her kids, we were thrilled to be invited into the labor and delivery room.
After I cut the cord, the nurse took the baby to his bed, and his mom asked "is it a boy?". In the excitement of the moment, I hadn't looked. The nurse answered "no. It's a girl!"
and at that moment, gender didn't matter. All that mattered was that she was healthy and well.
In our case, we had never had a boys name. Even after three weeks of waiting and going thru baby name books. We had no boy name. But we DID have a girl name. We had always had this one girl name we hadn't used. And it fit her to a "T".
Even in the weeks preceeding her birth, I had hardly bought any boy things. When I shopped, I kept drifing back to the baby girl section.
Our whole family is thrilled with her. We talk all the time about how glad we are age was a girl. She is amazing!!! Adorable!!! Brilliant!!! Full of attitude and personality. She was the perfect addition to our family!!!!
It sounds strange, but it's like we were always meant to have four girls.
We don't know if there is a boy in our future. But if we decide to add to our family again, and we want a boy, we would probably go with foster to adopt and trust God to put the right little guy into our family.
Ultimately God puts our families together. We are just not in control.
We adopted from foster care, and each time we wanted to try for a girl. It never worked out and we were happy with the family as it was...when we got this call...LOL!I think the important part is a heart attitude thing. Being open to the child God has for us is the key.I actually have to smile...adoption 'seems' to have so many choices with it, but in many ways it's just like having a bio child. We think we're making all these decisions and yet it is still all in God's hands.