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Hi everyone:
I decided to search for my bio-family a few years back, but that turned out to be a really bad decision on my part. To make a long story short, my BM did not want anything to do with me and my BF turned out to be crazy so I decided not to have a relationship with him. Unfortunately, this did not go over so well with him. He has been stalking me and my family and has started calling my adoptive family making up lies to hurt me and them. We have contacted the police as well as a lawyer, but no one seems to be able to help us. According to my BF, he is not going to leave me alone until I give him the relationship that he wants with me. Boy, if I knew then what I know now I never would have ventured down this road, but hindsight is always 20-20. I do not want to discourage anyone else from searching as I do think it can be a good thing, but for me it did not work out and I am very scared for me and my family's well being, but there does not seem to be anything that I can do about it so I am reaching out to anyone who might be able to offer me some advice. Thanks!
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Dear BabyGirlJane,Wow! I can definitely understand how scary and painful this is for you! Your b-father sounds downright dangerous. And being stalked is definitely scary and serious stuff. A former boyfriend of mine, who was also an adoptee, really went a bit psycho when I broke up with him. I went to the police (they said they couldn't help unless I was actually physically attacked) and nearly sent him a letter via a lawyer - but luckily the boyfriend stopped stalking me and my flatmates before I resorted to the lawyer route. And the good news that I'd learned from the police is that often the most threatening behaviour from the stalker happens soon after the break-up and then it tends to subside over time (let's hope so in your case!). Luckily, I had a very supportive employer and they arranged for me to work on a floor that had high security. They even offered to pay for taxi vouchers for me to get home safely! I've heard that you should vary the routes and times that you use to return home. Change your phone number too - or at least screen your calls with a telephone answering machine. I also stayed with a friend for a while. I know that all these logistics are a real hassle, to say the least, but that's what I was advised when I dealt with being stalked. All I can recommend is that you contact a domestic violence hotline for advice as I'm sure that they deal with lots of stalking cases - even if they're not adoption-related. And if you can, perhaps you can also hook up in-person with a counsellor or a post-adoption support group [URL="http://local.adoption.com/"]Local Adoption Information. Select a State or City for Adoption Info in Your Area[/URL] as I'm sure that you'll have a lot of emotions to process regarding this highly difficult reunion and its outcomes. Or at least feel free to vent and seek support on these online forums.
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I just wanted to say thank you for your support and encouragement during through this. Being adopted can sometimes be difficult enough by itself so no one ever expects that things could take a turn for the nasty.
I have an appointment with a lawyer this week as the police have really encouraged me to start with a cease and desist letter to see if that will stop the harassing email and phone calls, but if not to then move on to a Civil Harassment Restraining Order.
I realize that no two adoption stories are ever the same so like I said previously I do not want to discourage anyone else from searching and having their own reunion.
Take care everyone!
Hi BabyGirlJane,I'm so glad to hear that at least you do have some options and are going ahead with this. Post-reunion is hard enough but being stalked can really bring on very scary feelings of powerlessness and fear. And I agree that no two reunions are alike. However, with all that I've read about reunions, I think examples like yours gives further strength to the need for post-adoption support services that include mediation services - perhaps like they do with foster care - to help smoothe out contact on both sides.