Frustrated and need advice...

So mind blowing. All the stories I have read just kill me. I met with 4 "higher uppers" and all they did was pacify me at the time of the meeting. I wish I had lots of money to hire lawyers to fight for these kids. I feel your pain, I haven't seen or talked to "my girls" in over 3 months. Why can't they let us and them have "closure" ? I got an apology and they admit they are doing the removal wrong.... But no one is fixing it! AHHHHHHHH well, that screaming didn't help! LOL Thank you for sharing!

Amah, I commend you for your honesty and for what you have done for so many of these kids. My husband and I have done foster care as well, the system everywhere is just so flawed, I can't even call it a "system". Everything is done soooo haphazardly, and people are afraid to say anything, because they think they will be black-listed. We have not fostered for very long, but now we have a sibling group that was in foster care, and are now up for adoption. We have decided that we are going to try to adopt them ourselves. One is 13, one is 10, and one is 8. Two girls and one boy. They were originally sent to us for a weekend respite to see how we liked them. Now..how can you really make an adoptive decision in 3 days? Especially with older children. But anyway, the previous FP said very negative things about the kids. I was worried about what I got myself into, until I noticed how much she exaggerated. The FH was a private company that they were in. They pay more than the county. From what I hear, they also hate to admit that the kids are "getting better" because then they are put on a lower pay scale. Don't that sound promising for all these kids? I raised five children of my own and have 9 grandkids. These three children do not act any worse, or lie any more than normal kids. When they first came here, the oldest one came with a medicine cabinet (a full freezer baggie of medications that she didn't even need). I was told that the youngest girl, 8 yrs. old, was "full blown ADHD". The boy was "full blown anxiety ridden" NOT

Yes, it completely s___s what they do with these kids. I wish I too had a bunch of money to get lawyers, they would never hear the end of it. BUT...I think it is really the higher ups myself, who knows. I don't expect everything to be perfect, but this more than a lot of room for improvement.

I just found out the girls I wanted, that have been in new foster home for 4 months, visiting the other family that the state wanted them to go with, are now going to be adopted by the new foster family they have been with. I am so mad at the state. I have known these girls, bonded with them, fought for them and to this day I have NEVER met the CW or Case Mgr. I have talked to them on the phone numerous times... But you would think that they would have at least met me. Unbelievable. Girls wanted to be with me. Now I have been told by their older sister that they are happy and want to be with this new foster family. I just want the girls to be safe, happy and loved. But I get so angry at the way the state has treated me. Think I am going to send them an e-mail. Probably ruin all chances of adopting in the future, but the system is really screwed up. Just had to vent.... again... thanks!

Thank you for your info. I am sorry it took me so long to thank you. :) I am frozen right now. Very frustrated and am not sure what I want to do. I am hoping God shows me the way.... thanks again! Anne

Wanted to update since its been over a year. We are from Sarasota county and took our Mapp classes in 2009. we have never got any help or kids from Sarasota. I think we got one call but the kids ended up with foster parents. So its been 13 months and nothing from our county. I don't know if our stuff will expire and we need to do over. We did end up with a 12yo girl from Pinellas county but it did not work out after 2 months. Pinellas was very, very helpful at first. Now for some reason we don't get any calls or callbacks after we send in a request. I think we are blackballed? I don't know why. We have had our home studies checked out. we even had some private therapists check what we are doing and they say we are ok. We were frustrated but now have given up and resign ourselves to just having dogs and cats. Funny thing was once we were at a baseball game with the adoption group and our kid and I saw a single foster mother that had adopted 6 kids. How does that happen? we just wanted one kid and someone else gets a gang? I really believe they way is to be in foster care because that's what the agencies really need. That way you can find a kid and get to adopt them first. The ones that end up in the adoption websites have big problems that no one else can handle. we had got some kids home studies that were awful. Those kids needed to be in theraputic homes but that's all they had available for adoptive only parents. Very disappointed. I really expected more interaction with the agencies but they don't seem to care. there are no smiley faces that grasp how we feel.

I, again, cannot offer anything upstanding to you. When we were certified here in FL - it had to be 'renewed' each year - so 13 months - you are probably not even on the active list. Check your area and see if they have a 'placement office' - I know our district did - and we had to call them directly with openings. No one else placed kiddos except them - unless of course - it was respite.Check the dates on your certificate - then contact YOUR case manager - then the districts placement office.I know in Indian River, Okeechobee, St. Lucie District - this is how it is done. And a licensing worker contacted us EVERY 6 MONTHS to visit our home. Boy things must've really, really changed.

para, I know how you feel. I am a foster parent, however, I have been trying to adopt from the system. So far....my husband and I have sent in 138 homestudies and inquiries. I was lucky to get two or three responses to the "emails". But nothing went past that. I have faxed, and faxed, and faxed homestudies. We are experienced parents with 6 grown, successful children. Something needs to be done to speed up the process for these kids. The reason those kids on the photolistings are so screwed up IMO is because they have been in and out of care since being very young. They had neglect and/or abuse at home, and then they finally got TPR'd. By that time they were so messed up and much older which makes them less likely to get adopted. I read somewhere recently that last year the average adoption age was 7 years old for children in system care. However, this year it has went up to 8 or 9 years old being average. Then again I have also heard that because of the drug problem there are many more newborns coming up for adoption. Who knows?

I was just reading through all your posts. Haven't been on this site in a couple of years, since we adopted our son from Russia in February 2008. We have since that time gone through MAPPS classes and had our first placement in March 2010 and are in the process of finalizing the adoption of our FS. My experience has been somewhat different than all of yours but I see and hear what you are talking about. Makes me so sad for the kids! There are so many that have been through so much and just need loving forever families. I think things have been different for us for several reasons. First, we went in to this to foster and maybe eventually adopt one of our FK, if the right placement/situation happened for us. Second, we have had all new case managers, adoption managers, GAL, etc. and there is no burnout amongst them. They are all wanting to do their best still and are in it for the kids. Third, we had a BM who had been in the system many times before and knew she didn't want to deal with the system this time around so she voluntarily relinquished four months in to this case. Lastly, we knew the FL system was horrible going in to it as we have friends who foster and I worked for the state before and had some involvement in the system and I was a GAL before. So, our viewpoint was "we are in this for the kids only, and we will do the best we can for them given the lousy system that is in place, we cannot change it, we will not add to their trauma unless our other children's wellbeing is in jeporady" and it has worked for us thus far but I have limited hope for the future. Hats off to you guys for trying! So wish the system was different and kids could be adopted by more loving families.

Just clicked on Florida to see if it was any different than NJ... apparently not. I feel and have had similiar experiences with our foster system.... in the beginning they say we need foster/adoptive families! but what they really mean is we need foster families who are willing to take any child whenever we call and dont ask any questions. If you want to adopt I feel like you are in a direct conflict of interest with the foster system. They want these kids to go back home- no matter what. no matter how bad. no matter if there are 20 homes who would love to raise them and love them. To me it seems that the system is still treating kids like property -specifically property of birth parents. If we thought of them as people and asked ourselves- where would I rather grow up? Where would have been the better place for me? It would be clear to everyone what is really "in the best interest of the child"

I agree with you totally. Legislation needs to be changed. But..everybody is afraid to say anything. I have written letter after letter, but no one else wants to take the time or risk. Like I said, everybody thinks they will never get to foster again if they complain. Well, they have to prove any allegations they make. So people on the board who are TIRED of the way this system is working should write the Department of Human Services in Washington and their legislators demanding a better system for the children, and way speedier adoptions. Parents should have rights, but only IF THEY ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF WORKING THEIR CASE PLANS. Just My Opinion :):rolleyes:

First of all, I was a foster parent in NJ and adopted two kids from the foster care system. So I know what fostering is about. While I understand the frustration with having to wait for paperwork. I don't understand why more attention is not given to those wanting to adopt kids who are already legally free. I have heard that it takes quite some time to hear back about a waiting child, and that is just a shame. Now on the fost/adopt front, I have different feelings about that. I'm going to blunt because I know no other way to say it but fostering children is volunteer work. You are volunteering to help a child and a family. Foster care IS about reuniting kids with family because people have the right to be with their parents and their parents with their kids IF at all possible. What would our world be like if we just started accusing folks of bad parenting or abuse and neglect and just started plucking kids away into adoptive homes? Many folks who have issues, have them because of how and where they were raised or because of very troubling things going on in their lives. People CAN get help and they CAN change. I don't blame social workers for getting a bad taste in their mouth for those who are only in this to adopt a kid for free. Think about it, if a foster parent REALLY loves a child, of course they are going to be against the bio parents as far as reunification goes. THAT is why foster parents don't get an opinion. Their feelings will get in the way. Which is exactly why some states don't even allow fost/adopt. You either foster to help kids OR you adopt an already legally free child. Nothing wrong with hoping to adopt a child in your care but to admit to fostering because it's the easiest way to get a child and then accusing the state of using foster parents as a means to the end, is not accurate if you ask me. People blur the lines of what their duty is. Some people sign up for the job, they know the rules and yet they complain when those rules are actually followed. The state is not worrying about finding the perfect child for the Jones family because they so deserve a kid. They are worried about finding a home for Johnny because he deserves a family. If you want someone to truly focus on you, go to an adoption agency and sign up with them. Yes, it will cost money but if you want all of the attention on you, then that is something you need to spring for. This is an overall view of my feelings on the subject and is not directed to any one person.

Bethany, I do agree with most of your post. However, although parents "can" change, I wish I could say that statistics show that "most of them do". But that is not the case. Therefore, rather than rationalize why kids are not adopted whether foster or free for adopt, let me just say that we give the parents WAY too much time to "try" to do their caseplans, and then it turns into years, and the kids are still being sent from one home to another and the problems are becoming bigger. Therefore, I don't think it should be the Parents that have these great rights, but the kids themselves. Just my humble opinion. :)

I agree entirely. I think the policies are not strict enough... I do agree that parents should have a chance to get their act together, but a clear line needs to be drawn somewhere.... and once that line is crossed, the courts need to TPR ASAP so the children can move on with their lives. ...and this is not "the end of the road" for birth parents... as there are plenty of adoptive parents who are willing to have an "open" adoption to varying degrees. I think that the courts have taken things too far concerning birth parent rights... everyone is afraid that Joe Smith is going to loose junior because he was charged with a DUI once... but what is really happening is that junior is being placed back with his heroine addicted or cocaine addicted birth parents, not once but 3,4,5 times before the courts pursue TPR...

I'm sorry to hear that it's all too familiar to be disappointed with the quality of service in foster care. I am a CW and I know how lucky one has to be to get a CW that actually cares... I highly recommend becoming FPs. Straight-adoption applicants are not on the back burner per se, but they are last on the list due to circumstance. CW's don't recruit for children if a family is already identified. Most children have a family identified because a family member comes forward or the foster parents - who not always intend to adopt - become very attached and apply themselves. Sometimes the FP's don't adopt but they advise their own family and fostering friends that may be interested in adopting to apply for the child. Not until these options are exhausted does recruitment begin. As you can see, families that limit themselves to straight adoption are at a disadvantage without realizing it. Of course there is no gaurantee a placement will lead to adoption, which intimidates a lot of prospective adoptive families because you risk experiencing a lot of loss. However it may be your best chance at ultimately becoming a forever family :)