Advertisements
I am an amom of a 3 year old and we are in a fully open adoption with his bmom S.
Lately, she hasn't been repsonding when I initiate contact. We usually see one another about once a month. At times it has been more. I am pretty comfortable with S and I would describe our relationship as close...I am a LOT older than she is. If she needs to take a step back, I totally respect and honor that. but I just can't read her, and when I ask, she say that everything is fine.
She still lives with her parents (she was in high school, when DS was born). I have a great relationsip with her parents, and I can see that her mom is trying to make sure she doesn't overstep and allows S to lead the relationship. but lately, her mom is the one responding when I send pictures (I send them to S and her mom and dad, unless I am just e-mailing S about a visit or something). Today, I got uber-paranoid cause I saw S was on Facebook so I im'd her. She went offline right away. I just wish she would tell me if she needs space. But every time I ask, she brushes it off.
Her mom travels a lot. In the last e-mail(last week) I sent some pictures and said we should make date to all get together. Her mom replied that she might not be able to make it, but I should get in touch with S and make a date with her. I could just call but I don't want her to feel obligated if she is going through a hard time right now.
Bottom line: I don't know if the lack of communication is because she is going through hard time with our OA, or because she is a 21 year old with a boyfriend and a life and she just doesn't get back to me because...well, because.
Like
Share
It is really hard to know what is going on. With the FB thing, it may even have nothing to do with you, sometimes people sign off at the same time you are posting. It gives the appearance they are avoiding you, while in fact they didn't know you were there. (On the other hand, just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean people aren't out to get you!) Perhaps calling would be a good thing since it's so hard to interpret emails because they have no vocal inflections or body language to help you "read" the emotions of the writer. Tell her you are feeling like there is a change going on in her life and ask if she would like to change the frequendy of visits, calls, etc.
Advertisements