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My husband and I are currently fostering my niece. When DCF went to court to begin TPR, the suggestion was made to go to mediation to work out an open adoption plan. So, that's where we are. My nieces parents have agreed to sign off on an adoption-an open adoption.
We have an agreement-we are going over the final one on Friday. However, we had some questions and we aren't sure the mediator can or will offer information. So, I am posting here in hopes of getting some answers.
How biding is this open adoption agreement? We have looked to see how and if our state recognizes open adoptions and haven't been able to find much information. This is an interstate placement and adoption but it is our understanding that the adoption will actually take place in our state.
Part of the agreement is limited, supervised by us, contact. However, I am not feeling very good about this and am worried that we are agreeing to something that is going to come back and bite us later. If we decide to cut off contact because her bio-parents are not doing well, is there any legal recourse on their part to force us to allow them to have contact? Or is this really just up to us?
I know the answer may seem very obvious to a lot of you but we have not done this before and have only been fostering for a handful of months. I really do NOT want to agree to something that means we have no control, no say.
Thanks!
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When I went through mediation for my sons' adoption the mediator put a clause in that stated that if my son didn't want to see his first family that there would be no visit. It was also stated that if I, for any reason felt that it was not in my sons' best interest to continue with future visits that I would let them know and we would go back to mediation. If during a visit I become uncomfortable with actions on the part of the first family then the visit is terminated early.
Another clause that was put in was that the first family had to contact me to schedule visits. If they don't contact me there will be no make-up visits for that year (we agreed to 3 visits per calendar year).
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I don't know what state you are in, but I think many do not recognize the agreements as legally binding. IN only recognizes them if the child is 2yrs or older. We have 2 visits per year. They are stated as no longer than 2 hrs and can end early if the child requests or any of the adults feel they need to end. We have clauses about 2 missed visits and the contract is void. Only a few things count as an 'excused' absence (jail NOT being one of them).B/c the children were under 14 (or 13) we were not allowed to say if they didn't want the visit, it wouldn't happen. But that may just be our state. If you really don't feel comfortable with visits, go with that. If you are willing to negotiate, only go with as many as you are comfortable with. Don't let them pressure you into more. Do you have a lawyer helping you out? They should be able to back you up and let you know what is the norm, and what you can expect. Good luck! It is hard! There are MANY days I wish we didn't have an agreement. Doesn't mean we wouldn't do visits, just sometimes hate knowing we are bound to it.
lakin11
I don't know what state you are in, but I think many do not recognize the agreements as legally binding. IN only recognizes them if the child is 2yrs or older.
We have 2 visits per year. They are stated as no longer than 2 hrs and can end early if the child requests or any of the adults feel they need to end.
We have clauses about 2 missed visits and the contract is void. Only a few things count as an 'excused' absence (jail NOT being one of them).
B/c the children were under 14 (or 13) we were not allowed to say if they didn't want the visit, it wouldn't happen. But that may just be our state.
If you really don't feel comfortable with visits, go with that. If you are willing to negotiate, only go with as many as you are comfortable with. Don't let them pressure you into more.
Do you have a lawyer helping you out? They should be able to back you up and let you know what is the norm, and what you can expect.
Good luck! It is hard! There are MANY days I wish we didn't have an agreement. Doesn't mean we wouldn't do visits, just sometimes hate knowing we are bound to it.
They can take you to court...it would just be the judge ordering you to go to the visits. You could also go to court and have the agreement dismissed, but you'd have to prove why it is detrimental. It would not over turn the adoption if you did not uphold the agreement. It would just mean a judge could order you to have the visitations.
We are going thru adoption right now in a state that doesn't regognize agreements. I am so glad we don't have one. We just had our first visit after tpr. It went better than I expected. I am so glad we have full control. It makes them really respect us and want to get along. We like it this way because we want it to go well.
Make sure you don't give in to what you know you can't agree to later. How are visits going now? There is a good chance it will be the same after adoption only worse because there are no sw. Especially if it is court ordered.
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joyfulmother
We are going thru adoption right now in a state that doesn't regognize agreements. I am so glad we don't have one. We just had our first visit after tpr. It went better than I expected. I am so glad we have full control. It makes them really respect us and want to get along. We like it this way because we want it to go well.
Make sure you don't give in to what you know you can't agree to later. How are visits going now? There is a good chance it will be the same after adoption only worse because there are no sw. Especially if it is court ordered.
Our dd was a mess after this visit as well. I think something may have been said to her that she won't tell us. It could have been the stress of not knowing how to act with both families together. She just played really hard and tryed not to get to close to any of us. I could see she was stressed.
Your idea of going to the zoo is a good idea. Just make sure you watch what is being said to your child and try not to give them any alone time until you are sure about things. I would really try not to have an agreement if at all possible.
We are committed to making sure that our dd gets to see her bio family. We think it is good for her to know them. I do know that if her family had any court order for visits it would not be this good. They would be able to say anything to her and I wouldn't be able to stop it. They are really trying hard so that they can see her.
joyfulmother
Our dd was a mess after this visit as well. I think something may have been said to her that she won't tell us. It could have been the stress of not knowing how to act with both families together. She just played really hard and tryed not to get to close to any of us. I could see she was stressed.
Your idea of going to the zoo is a good idea. Just make sure you watch what is being said to your child and try not to give them any alone time until you are sure about things. I would really try not to have an agreement if at all possible.
We are committed to making sure that our dd gets to see her bio family. We think it is good for her to know them. I do know that if her family had any court order for visits it would not be this good. They would be able to say anything to her and I wouldn't be able to stop it. They are really trying hard so that they can see her.
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