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I just found out that the birthfather of the son I placed for adoption is having another baby. My son with him was placed for adoption. The birthfather's next child was placed in foster care, his third child was raised by the child's mother alone and now he has another girl knocked up. The birthfather has not had any involvement with any of his 3 children but he continues to create them. I have never been able to have more children after the child that I placed. The birthfather and I were highschool sweethearts. I loved him and he said he loved me "more than life itself." Then I got pregnant and he called me a whore and said the baby wasn't his. He abandoned me and his child and I had to do the right thing for my son by myself. Why does he get to run around having children willy nilly and I had to give up the only child I will ever give birth to? Does anyone else feel like the universe is totally effed up? I am so PO'd right now I can't stand it!
p.s. no offense to any birthfathers out there. I'm just angry at God and my son's birthfather.
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(((Gwen)))I don't blame you for being angry...I would be too.Like you, I was never able to have any more children...and that just stinks. When my son's birth father settled down, got married, and had three more kids...well, I was pretty jealous...and really resentful.In 1994 as I sat listening to the glowing eulogies at his funeral, I suddenly became overwhelmed with anger...it's not something I'm proud of...but it is what it is. When I read the amazing tribute that our major metropolitan newspaper wrote about him, I felt like throwing up. Why couldn't this wonderful civic-minded man who went on to become an amazing father have been like that when I was carrying his firstborn child?The anger and resentment didn't last long, and I'm glad he got his life together. He raised some incredible kids, and I'm happy they had him for a dad. I just sometimes wonder if he became such a wonderful father because of how he screwed up with me and our son...
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I echo other's sentiments in that you have every right to be angry. I will even go one further that if you did not feel angry you would not be human. It is also OK to be angry at God, He knows each and every one of us and He wants us to feel or feeling because it is only when we aknowledge our feelings that we are` able to move forward and heal.
I wish I couold give you answers as to why things like this happen but I can only offer you ((HUGS)) and validation.
EZ