Would you attend Lamaze classes with prego birthmom?

Hard question. I'm trying to put myself in your position. It would be nice of you to go to lamaze class with her but then again you could be opening pandoras box. Right now your having visits 2x a year which is working for you. I don't know anything about her so to answer this question is very hard. If she always has drama around her, then she will pull you into her drama. Before you know it your life could be in complete chaos. On the other side you could end up becoming very close and things can work out. Only you know her history, maybe make a list of pros and cons and weigh it out. Good luck to you and I hope the decision you make will be the best. Oh, one more thing. She could be manipulating you into feeling sorry for her. Like I said, I don't know her only you do.

Yes, I would, particularly if I had an interest in adopting this new baby. My willingness to be friendly to and supportive of our adopted son's birthmother and birthfather is what led them to voluntarily reliquish their parental rights so that my husband and I could adopt him. In fact, at the beginning of my son's case, his bio-mother made the comment at one of the supervised visits that I was the only person who did not treat her like a criminal. I have always treated her with respect and kindness because she is his mother, and also because the reality is that she has problems and issues that prevent her from parenting him. Nevertheless, I know that she loves him very much, as was evident when she chose to relinquish her rights to him so that we could adopt him. She knew that he was in the very best place possible and that we love him tremendously. On the other hand, I have a girlfriend who is originally fom New York, and her outspoken "Yankee" ways have created a very adversarial and tense situation between she and her foster son's birthparents. No matter how much I have tried to tell her, she just cannot bite her tongue. She is a wonderful mother and person, but her rightful disgust with both DCF and the parents has affected her ability to bring the case to successful adoption. They have had their baby several months longer than we have had ours, and unfortunately it looks like he may be reunified with the birth parents in the near future. They are absolutely devastated. I think a little sugar could have gone a long way in working out a resolution. I guess that is the main point I want to make in my post. My advice to all the foster parents who are hoping to adopt is to be as understanding, kind, and accommodating to these birthparents as possible. It helps to understand that they have issues that prevent them from being like us, and to feel sympathy for them as there is always usually something in their own childhood that has damaged them. These parents are typically unable to EVER get it together enough to raise their own children, so when they realize that losing them is inevitable, they feel they can turn to you for your help. Once our son's parents relinquished their rights, they lost interest in seeing him. Just knowing that they COULD see him is apparently enough. Now they are free to party without worrying about dealing with DCF. :) I know not every situation is the same, but again, as in all situations, I have found that kindness typically works out for the best. Besides, it may mean the world to this mother that you care enough to go with her. Good Luck!!

I would definitely talk to the SW before making any decisions and getting his or her opinion. As a previous poster said, you don't want to get sucked into the drama of her poor decisions.

I attended prenatal yogal classes with our would-be bmom. Even after she started having second thoughts, I went. She changed her mind and decided to parent. The kicker for me was that the baby is family regardless, so I wasn't able to just put the situation behind us. We were at the hospital when he was born (last week) and we're babysitting him tomorrow. I think tomorrow I may have a mini-breakdown, caring for a baby I was expecting to be my son. But apparently there is nothing self-serving in being a parent (or taking the role of parent even when it doesn't come with the benefits of parenthood [I have our FD in mind here]).

If it were me I would attend and "for fun" ask someone to take a picture. What a wonderful gift for your current child and this child to come to have in the future since it sounds like you'll have contact for years to come. Sounds like she'd like you to be present for the birth, good chance to get those once in a lifetime pictures too! So many children don't even have a picture of them as an infant or child let alone their first moments. I am a shutterbug so it came as no surprise I was taking pictures at A1's birthday party. In attendance was my former foster daughter who had brought her child and her neice. I had a feeling it was just a matter of time before the neice came into care... and she did two weeks later. I should have been first considered as the child's parents had asked she be with me, but a worker was assigned that didn't look over the case and the placement workers don't even see anything about any potentials so the child was placed in a different foster home two couties away. I whipped out those pictures and used them as "evidence" that I had a prior relationship with the child on a personal level and it was part of what tipped the scale to have her placed with me.

:thanks:Thank you so much guys - really great feedback and I don't feel like I'm crazy thinking about this. My sister thinks I'm crazy, but, frankly, she has no clue about how our relationship with a birthparent/family is.I even couched it with my husband and he agreed I should take the classes with her. Now, I will go talk to the original sw and get her opinion. She is very seasoned and I respect her perspectives.I'm not worried in drama because fortunately, the birthmom is not like that. My only hesitation is that if i provide her transportation for these classes, she call upon my in the future for frequent transportation. Now we see each other twice a year (we email more frequently to exchange blogs and pics).Kay