I will take ANY advice...

I am so sorry you are so sad and going through such a rough time and that you haven't had the openness you seem to want with your birthson. I am not sure I understand the problem with your son's placement, though. Depending on how the state was involved, there may be a good reason for the finalization delay having nothing to do with the parents. From what you say, it doesn't sound as if they would be the ones dragging their feet. If the issue is lack of openness, then I would not be sure that you could disrupt a year-long placement on that basis but you might be able to get some relief via ordered visitation. Given that it has been a year, which is a very long time in the life of an infant, you may want to also think about the effect of disruption or even the stress on the family of fighting a disruption on your birthson. It would do injury to him. I just have to wonder if there hasn't been a miscommunication or misunderstanding between you and your friend. It is possible that this person used you, but just as possible that they were well-intentioned but that something has concerned them since. You trusted them once. It might be worthwhile to give that friendship one more shot. If you have a lawyer, perhaps you could first try having him/her write a nonthreatening letter reminding your friend of the positives of your past relationship, the understandings you had regarding contact, and requesting a meeting to discuss contact. That may bring you a faster, more positive outcome than coming out of the gate with a custody suit. Whatever happens, I hope for the best outcome and peace for you all around.

I am sorry you are going through this. I also don't quite understand what is going on with this situation though. How do you know your friend is not providing a good home for your son? There is a lot of trauma involved when a child is taken out of the only home they have known to be given to a new family like you suggested. Was there an agreement that you would have an open adoption that they are not living up to? If so, I would talk to a lawyer, but I would not work to remove him unless you have evidence it is a placement that is extrmemely unhealthy, abusive, or something like that. Best wishes.

HI there. What stands out for me is that you would be paying child support? If you place your child for adoption, and your parental rights are thus severed, you no longer have any legal responsibility to that child, including financial. And am I understanding correctly that the state was involved? If that's the case, then perhaps your friend took your child in as a fost-adopt scenario, in which case it is not up to them when to finalize, but rather the state. Could you be in touch with the social worker assigned to your child to find out the status of what's going on? I'm a foster mom, and believe me, they drag their feet every step of the way. In their defense, they want to be thorough, but I completely agree that especially with such a young child, time is of the essence. I hope you get some good, solid advice from your attorney, since we here don't have the full story so can't really advise you as well. And I would want to throw it out there that perhaps, just maybe, you ARE meant to raise this child? I'm sure it would be difficult in the beginning, but you would have the peace of mind knowing he or she is safe and content. I know money is tight, but that's not the most important thing in raising a child. Love and committment are. For what it's worth, I'm here if you need to vent. You're clearly a great mom for thinking about what is happening with your child. If you want openness, that should generally be respected by the adoptive family, imho. God bless.

Thank you all for your responses. Everything that you have said has been something that has been diseccted and discussed and analyzed so many times. There is so much that has happened with this case that I simply can't bear to drag it all out. I was really hurting the day I wrote this and was desperate to find someone who had walked in my steps before. I am a very strong person and I don't break very often, but when I do... lol I will address this, though. No, I do not want to take him from the only home he has ever really known. Not only am I a birth mother, I am also a child that has been adopted TWICE, and also a foster child. I understand attachment disorders, I had one. I had three mother figures by the time I was 2, and by the third time it just didn't take. Anyway, that is another story for another day. Back to the original subject... I don't want to take him away from K & A but they have left me no choice but to fight. My lawyer is actually bringing the case to court on the basis of fraud. I have to pay child support, in the state of Oklahoma, until the child is adopted, because K&A have him on Sooner Care, state insurance. Because he is drawing assistance from the state, OK comes aver me for child support until his adoption is finalized. The state of OK gives adoptive parents 9 months to finalize, and my lawyer says he can show that every month over that amount of time (6 months extra so far) they are getting more and more money for my baby. Second of all, I found out right before we went to the lawyer, K&A have been split up for 6 months, which means they CAN;t finalize without a whole new home study on the one who get Dakota. Again, they have not spoken to me in this whole time; I finally reached A through his father, and that is how I know they have split up and she is with another man! I don't know who this new person is, and this is not the situation I want my child to be in. I am not a drama person, in fact, I hate it with a passion. But this has been going on for far too long. No, the state has nothing to do with why it hasn't been finalized. When their lawyer finally contacted ours, she stated that it had not been finalized because K&A where fighting over who would get custody, and she could not represent either one. No, I don't want to take him from the only home he has known; however, I know that he could have a home a WHOLE lot better than this one. Please understand, there is even more behind the scenes drama that I am not discussing, just know that everything you have mentioned has been analyzed. My only major concern now, is IF they judge gives me my rights back, what my next step should be. But I think I have that figured out now too. Thank you for your replies- prayers are always welcome! Hope

Wow, I would have never guessed you would be legally bound to pay child support under any circumstances. That IS crazy! If I were in your shoes, of course I'd also want this situation resolved asap - be that my son's finalization, or return to me. Why should you pay money if you no longer have parental rights? Now I'm p***ed! And I completely understand your weariness regarding your son's whereabouts - you placed him with K&A bc they were the sort of family/home you wanted for your son. If so soon after the placement they are split up and already hooking up with different people, there must have been something in their relationship that wasn't right from the get-go. The ethnical thing to do would've been for these supposed friends of yours to have kept in touch with you, offered to reimburse you the amount you are asked to pay (since parents should finance their children's expenses, and if they're adopting him, their his parents - they can't have it both ways!) Well, I hope this drama comes to a happy conclusion soon, and I use the word "happy" relatively speaking here, of course, bc your poor son has already been through at least two major moves (from you to K&A, and again when they split up). Hang in there.

oh, wow...thank you. I had not thought of that at all. He HAS been through another major life change. He wasn't with me long enough to know that one, but I bet that was a big life change for him, when they split up, and a new man moved in. This really does have to get resolved soon!