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+1. Swatting, tapping, etc. to get attention is obviously completely different than hitting, slapping, pinching, jerking, punching, etc. If a child has been warned multiple times, is possibly endangering themselves, is consistantly pushing important boundaries, etc. and has been repeatedly warned....then the time out wouldn't be working in this cirmumstance. Its ridiculous to make a claim of no swatting across the board to every child and every parent. What works for one cannot ever work for all children or parents across the board. my 2 cents....
DannieAS
I was spanked 3 whole times when I was young. Back of the hand on my rump with me wearing clothes. My parents never said they did it "out of love" or they never said "this will hurt me more than it hurts you" blah blah blah crap. When they talked to me, they said ______ was not acceptable and we said the next time it was done there would be a spanking....(to their credit, they always told me before I disobeyed, that the punishment for that was a spanking) For me the way it was done, I always trusted that whatever my parents said was going to happen....happened. I never got spanked on the fly or slapped, or pinched, or hit upside the head. I don't view my family as a family of "spankers", it was just something that happened 3 seperate times for offenses that were deemed needed that punishment if done again. I solomnly believe the way my parents did this was the "right" way to do it if one even entertained the possibility of spanking, however, i know too many families that spank their kids that it's a common occurrence...either daily or multiple times in a week, not a last resort 'fit the crime' punishment....that to me is why I don't support spanking. However, if spanking means the way it was done with me I'm not going to judge or assume it brings out violence....excessive or multiple spankings a week I can see with the violence.
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I saw an interview with Denzel Washington (I think he was on Oprah) and he said when he was a teenager he was out playing basketball when he was suppose to be doing something else. His mom got in the car, came and got him and made him quit playing ball. He said he got in the car and looked at his friends like, I got this. He said the next thing he knew his mom smacked the you know what out of him. He said it was the best thing she could have ever done because he knew when she said something, she meant it. It looks like the best we can do is agree to disagree. Like PPs have said, one camp is not going to buy into the other's camp. We do spank, on the bottom, and only after DD has been warned. I get so frustrated with the parents who threaten the time out (and the child never gets a time out) or count, 1...2...I mean it now, 2 1/2...come on, I'm serious...(this is where they NEVER get to 3) For cryin' out loud! 3! Just say 3! :grr: Geez oh Pete's, no wonder the child never takes the parents serious, they can't even count to three.
SHD
I saw an interview with Denzel Washington (I think he was on Oprah) and he said when he was a teenager he was out playing basketball when he was suppose to be doing something else. His mom got in the car, came and got him and made him quit playing ball. He said he got in the car and looked at his friends like, I got this. He said the next thing he knew his mom smacked the you know what out of him. He said it was the best thing she could have ever done because he knew when she said something, she meant it. It looks like the best we can do is agree to disagree. Like PPs have said, one camp is not going to buy into the other's camp. We do spank, on the bottom, and only after DD has been warned. I get so frustrated with the parents who threaten the time out (and the child never gets a time out) or count, 1...2...I mean it now, 2 1/2...come on, I'm serious...(this is where they NEVER get to 3) For cryin' out loud! 3! Just say 3! :grr: Geez oh Pete's, no wonder the child never takes the parents serious, they can't even count to three.
SHD
I get so frustrated with the parents who threaten the time out (and the child never gets a time out) or count, 1...2...I mean it now, 2 1/2...come on, I'm serious...(this is where they NEVER get to 3) For cryin' out loud! 3! Just say 3! :grr: Geez oh Pete's, no wonder the child never takes the parents serious, they can't even count to three.
I honestly don't believe in the 1...2...3 - now you're in trouble idea. What that means for my son is he has 2 chances to misbehave before he bothers to get back in line. Personally, I spank my children. Never hard, but enough to get their attention. As each of my kids reach the age of 6, they'll get a choice...time out/grounding/loss of privilege...or a spanking. It will be their choice.As a child, my sister and I were always given a choice. My sister didn't want to be spanked, so she always chose being grounded. I didn't want to be grounded, so I chose to be spanked. Regardless of our choices, there was always discipline from our parents when we got out of line. We knew where the line was, and what would happen when we crossed it.That's the parent I want to be, and I don't find that lazy or ignorant.
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Ok but did you stop lipping off to her because you feared getting "set straight" again or because you actually LEARNED something, learned not to disrespect your mother? Because if kids are only doing something to avoid punishment it doesn't mean they are actually learning to be empathic, good citizens, kind to others...it means they are smart enough to play by the rules. To avoid getting caught. Which some people may think is a valuable lesson but I want my son to learn for himself that he wants to be a better kid because it's something he actually wants for himself. Maybe I'm delusional, i'm not being snarky. I often think i'm clueless when I read what other people do to keep their kids in line.
As a child, my sister and I were always given a choice. My sister didn't want to be spanked, so she always chose being grounded. I didn't want to be grounded, so I chose to be spanked. Regardless of our choices, there was always discipline from our parents when we got out of line. We knew where the line was, and what would happen when we crossed it. That's the parent I want to be, and I don't find that lazy or ignorant.
manni28
Also I'd like to say, dealing with a child is way different from dealing with a teen or young adult. Look at Farrah, the girl on sixteen & pregnant, the way she talks to her parents is awful. Farrah learned to treat and talk to her parents that way from CHILDHOOD. Her parents most likely never corrected her about her behavior and allowed it to continue into her teens. Usually kids like Farrah have very little regard for boundaries, authority and the law. My parents would never allowed me to get away with that crap. In real life I have seen kids speak the same way to their parents and I am amazed the parents allow that kind of behavior. Seriously! -Manni
This is so true. I've never watched this show but from what I hear this girl is a pretty bad kid. It's not like when she became a teenager this behavior started, this is something that has evolved from childhood.
I count to 3, and believe me, she knows I can count. The sobbing and screaming while in time-out tells you she knows I mean business. I don't play around, and I actually tell her that before I start counting. Usually she gets moving before I reach 3, but if not, she's in that corner, and she knows not to move until I tell her she can. She knows I don't play!
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manni28
It is a behavior that evolved from childhood. Last I heard her mom was arrested because they got in a fight, and mom "snapped" and tried to choke her. Now in my opinion, all of that could have been avoided if her parents had "nipped it in the bud" when she was a child. -Manni
sbaglio
I count to 3, and believe me, she knows I can count. The sobbing and screaming while in time-out tells you she knows I mean business. I don't play around, and I actually tell her that before I start counting. Usually she gets moving before I reach 3, but if not, she's in that corner, and she knows not to move until I tell her she can. She knows I don't play!
SHD
Please understand, I'm referring to those who don't make it to 3. These kids know their parents don't know how to count and the behavior continues. I'm glad it works for you because that means you are showing consistency and that's what kids need.
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manni28
When I was growing-up my parents ALWAYS taught my sister and I that anything we do( good or bad) is a reflection of them as parents ( and as black folks in particular, "old schools" folks know what I'm talking about;) ), and I plan to do the same with my boys.