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Hi everyone, I am new to this site and ever so glad I have found it because for along time I've been searching for a site where this is disscused.
I'm a 20 year old female who was adopted at 3 months of birth with a twin brother named Peter. I do not know anything about my birth parents accept that my moms name was virginia. I'm from another country and the adoption agency over there was closed off a long time ago, there is no where I can find either of them. During our 3 months there I was not held enough (being a girl) or feed enough. My brother wasn't much either but was a bit lucky because he was a male.
My whole life has seemed like a lie. All I have ever felt is pain and sadness. I have had many failed relationships, sexual problems and sickness. I have a sickness called pyroluria, that I believe is to be genetic sicksness where there is lack of viteams in the system. Tho my twin brother does not have it.
I have great adoptive parents tho who have always been there for me and my brother and I am so grateful for but life has always been a huge struggle none the less.
I'm very overly attached to my twin because he is the only that connects me to where I am from. But he has his own issues due to all of this so we haven't always had such a close relationship. (Probably too painful as much as it is good)
So I am wondering who can relate to these things and would like to discuss them.
Thanks all xo
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Dear Crimson,Welcome to the forums. I'm sure that there are many people here who can relate. I was also adopted from another country at about 3 months old - I was a mere 6 pounds then and nearly had brain damage. While I don't have pyroluria, my immune system is very weak when it comes to battling illness. I've found that talking with others here on the forums has been really helpful. Grappling with all the various adoption-related pain and sadness is a struggle so I've found it helps to know I'm not alone. Feel free to share whatever you wish here - sometimes it may take a while for people to reply, but believe me, there are many, many others who relate to your journey.
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Right? It's amazing. I feel so bad one of my best friends is a young mother (21) when I see her, feed, touch, play with her child I feel terrible to admit this but I get so triggered!!!! I think to myself. Now Why didn't I get this:( and I feel sad and ashamed to admit that but it's hard seeing mothers and babies for me. Anyone else got that?
Crimson
Right? It's amazing. I feel so bad one of my best friends is a young mother (21) when I see her, feed, touch, play with her child I feel terrible to admit this but I get so triggered!!!! I think to myself. Now Why didn't I get this:( and I feel sad and ashamed to admit that but it's hard seeing mothers and babies for me. Anyone else got that?
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I know very few people who are adopted save for my sister and a few family friends. None of them I have had a close enough relationship to (or would it have been appropriate to) discuss with them my relationship 'history.' I have had so many failed relationships; each one resulting in generally the same thing. I fight and do everything possible to not get hurt, but it only results in me hurting someone else and them leaving me. It's instinctual, like a lion attacking a gazelle. I hate it. I tried closing myself off and not letting anyone in and someone came along that I couldn't not let in. And I tried hiding everything and it didn't work at all, but I didn't learn my lesson and did the same thing again, only to get the same result. I tried dealing with things while being with other people and I still just can't accept that people care about me. It's like this curse that I just can't shake and it drives me crazy. I have burned so many bridges time and time again, with my adoptive parents, boyfriends, friends, everyone. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried therapy and I've tried reading and explaining to boyfriends why I get so insane but they don't understand. Does anyone have any advice?