Potential Birth Mom is mentally disabled

Hello, Our adopted kids' birthmom is dx mild mental retardedation. My almost 3 year old is very smart and seems "normal." My 2 year old seems fine, too. I would not hesitate to take another child from mentally ill/retarded parents.

Absolutly! My baby is still a little too young for us to know what kind of problems she is going to have but her Ped was also Moms Ped so he knows what to look for in DD. Apparently there are lots of things that we can do to help eliminate problems simply because we will be prepared from the beginning. eg medications at an early stage rather than waiting until puberty has hit which can make things harder. But my biggest issue is that my DD has a lot more stability than I think her mom had so I am hoping that will help too. And if not then we get what we get - someone has to love this baby and mental disabilities or not she is perfect in our eyes because we love her unconditionally and she does us. You should find out exactly what moms disability is and then discuss this with your Dr. See if its something that you can handle. But if you are hoping for a child whos success is eventually going to be measured by how many university degrees he ends up with or how much money he makes then you will have to be very picky about your bio parents and that could take some time.

Both my little girls birth parents were considered low functioning. The mother functioned about a 10 year old level - the fathers was caused by pku. The mother had suffered years of abuse and neglect. Of course I was concerned - but I realize it is my job to help my daughter to become all she can. So far she seems to be the smartest girl in her class. She did have some speech delays. I think because I am aware of her history she will have every opportunity to excel. I would worry more but her cognitive abilities are very high. Good luck!

my son's birth mom was moderately or more delayed. She was unable to speak. We are concerned that he is mildly cognitively delayed, but he already is doing better in life than his birth mom did.

Our son was born to a mentally disabled bmom. He had some developmental delays early on but had a therapist who worked with him and he is now above average in his development. He is a bright, quick little learner. We will probably always have a worry in the back of our mind but our way of dealing with it is to be proactive and keep him active in extra programs. But really, it appears he will be just fine. His birthsiblings are all doing well too.

There are so many different potential factors that you just won't know. I just read an article in Time magazine that said that the "time in the womb" instead of genetics plays a greater factor in things like diabetes, mental health issues, blood pressure, heart problems as an adult, etc, etc. At the same time I read an article about a study done in Florida that took lower functioning kids w/ lower functioning parents and put the kids in a structured playschool (meant to stimulate all parts of the brain and thinking.) The kids showed a 10-15 point increase in IQ that stayed with the child as they went through school. Pointing strongly to environment playing a large role in ultimate IQ. Our nuerologist told us that our daughter has typical brain damage issues that come with low oxygen at birth. He said in many cases parents never see the impact because they play so much with their kids and interact with them that the brain rewires itself. However, for other kids that don't get that stimulation the brain has a more difficult time rewiring itself. But the brain is an amazing thing and CAN rewire itself even as the kids get older. He said there are new studies that show the brain isn't as limited to make new connections after the age of 3 than they once thought. That said, the limitations are the limitations and you just never know. You can hope for your child just like anyone would do, but I think you need to be comfortable with any outcome. Good luck with your decision.

There can be many causes of Mental Retardation. I would suggest trying to find out if the Bio Mom has any specific diagnosis and if there are any other relatives with problems. Often the exact cause of developmental delay is unknown and is often caused by a chromosomal problem during that specific pregnancy.

I love the replies and support on this topic. I have two children that I have adopted from fostercare. But parents have special needs and father is mentally retarded and the mother has a lag and acts emotionally at 14 or 15. Both are educated at the high school level and are high functioning people. This being said I work in special education in my school district and have a legal background. I feel that if you keep advocating for services for children (if needed) and do whatever needed at home and willing to do above and beyond schooling that these kids can and will reach full potentional. It is all in what you feel you can handle and support system. Your educational future is not set in stone and is changeable and parents can be pleasantly surprised in the outsomes of these little ones.