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Both of my kids have real issues with following the rules when I am not around. I realize that is the case with all kids, but I do feel my take it to a new level. I am very consistant with expectations and consequences, but nothing seems to work. Their behavior is over the top and I feel I cannot trust them even in the most simple situation, such as going to a store. They know resent the constant supervision, but do not seem to get the correlation between their choices and the consequences. If any one has any ideas, I would be grateful. Trying to hang on to patience and hope for a change.
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What are the ages of ur children?Can you give examples of their behavior? There are some good books on behavior that I've heard others mention on the forum... like 1,2,3 Magic..etc. I do have to recommend "praise"... when my DD and I get in a "bad behavior cycle" then I try to take a weekend "AWAY"... like camping etc and re-focus on praising her good behavior and ignoring the bad. We both come back from our weekends better people and w/ better behavior. But sounds like ur referring to more???
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Thank you for you reply. My son is 8 and my daughter is 11. At this point I seemed to figure out a solution. BUt, yes they seem to do things that are very passive reisistent that is against their own motives. Like never getting ready on time, even with the 15, 10, 5, min. warnings and we will be going to something for them. (Like a party or event) I looked at the behavior and realized it was all the same day after day. I did clear out their rooms completely and had them sleep on the floor. We talked about why, responsibility and working as a team. What they felt if anything I asked of them was out of line or hurtful to them. Really talking to my daughter. Of course she said nothing. I thought maybe she thought things were too controlled, but anytime I give her some reigns she fails miserably. We talked about the correlation between freedom, trust and resonsibility. It took two nights on the floor and she is earning everythign back. My son is working on it, but he is a little more stubborn and likes to test longer, but I have seen a change and I feel like I at least have something to lean on. Yelling, I hate and sure wasn't working, as well as spanking. I will keep up the hope and have had a few good days with normal kid stuff. :) I also realized with my daughter that she is not use to someone being interested and keeping up with her. I have only had her two years and I see her still not completely comfortable to go do her thing in the house. She had a very transit life style before I adopted her.