Advertisements
Hey, My name is Brielle Johnson.. I was adopted when I was born. And I found out when I ws 13, which wasn't very smart of my adoptive parents... Puberty, Teenage girl, AND telling her she's adopted?? Not cool.
When I was sixteen I started trying to find my birth parents, no matter how much it killed my adoptive parents inside, I needed to know why they gave me up.
And when I was 18, I found my mom. Her name is KariAnn. At first, it seemed like a dream come true, she bubbled over with excitment the whole time, telling me I had two younger brothers, and she was pregnant with a third. She said she didn't know where my father was, only that he left her two weeks before I was born.
She was only 18 when she had me, and she got married 4 years later, and had my first brother 4 years after that, and so she was 34 when I met her. And then I had to go. I was at her house the whole day. And it seemed like I was finally getting what I always wanted. But when I went back a second time, which I had called 2 weeks before, to ask her if I could come.
She said "What do you want?" as soon as she opened the door. And I was shocked, this was not the woman I had met a month ago. I figured, maybe she was having a rough day, and so I was being nice to her the whole time. But she was just being totally rude, eventually she said "Look Brielle, I didn't want you. Stop bothering me. I gave you away for a reason" And at that I stood up and left. I am now 20 years old. And she called me and asked me to come over 2 months ago, and at first she was the mother I met in the beggining. And I was so happy, and she asked me to stay the weekend. And since I lived almost 6 hours away I stayed. I was great the first day, I got to meet my brother's eight year old Neil, 5 year old Jeremy and two year old Isaac. The second day when I was there, she started being mean again. And when I tried to pick up Isaac when she told me to, she yelled at me saying "Don't touch my baby you freak!" I was shocked, so I put Isaac down. And then she went back to whistling in the kitchen. And when Isaac started screaming, she yelled at me again saying " WHY ARE YOU NEGLECTING MY BABY!" And again I was shocked, so I picked him up. And she went back to the kitchen. On Sunday, the day I was supossed to leave, she was having a party for her husband who was much nicer to me than she was. But right before the party, she told me. "Now Brielle, I don't want all my friends to know about my little problems back in the day. So be a dear and pretend to be my cousin" Again I was shocked. And said "I can't KariAnn, I'm just as much your daughter as Isaac or Neil, or Jeremy." And so she screamed at me. And I was over it, so I left her standing on her front porch yelling about how much of a mistake I was.
She keeps calling me, and I havent picked up. I don't want to go through that. Not again.
I was in the process of looking for my dad, but now I'm not sure. And I just found out I am pregnant. With my fiance and I both being old enough, I don't see it as a problem, but someone told my dear "Mother" and so now she i furious.And she switches tackticks every two days one day it'll be "Brielle, how could you ruin your life after all I've done for you." And then "Brielle, why woulden't you tell me yourself you were pregnant. I'm your mother after all." And I still will not answer, I don't want her in my life, or my babies life.
I don't know what to do anymore, I just wanted someone to be able to tell me what happened before I was born.
I don't know if I should contact my dad, If I find him.
Please comment on what I should do, and/or what your exprience was..
I really regret finding her. And I feel horrible for putting my adoptive parents through all this.
-Brielle.
xoxo
Like
Share
It sounds like your birth/first mother has some very, very serious emotional problems. I'm sorry you had this experience...it must have been very traumatic to hear her scream those ugly words at you. I just don't know what to say.
Advertisements
manni28
Hi, fellow adoptee here!
I think maybe your bmom has an undiagnosed mental health problem. And please remember if she does, it's not because of you or adoption!
bromanchik
I agree with Manni. It really does sound more than just adjusting to reunion. I would not see her unless she agrees to get help.
I understand I should hate her and not want to see her right now
Advertisements
Brielle,
I don't know what to tell you about how to find out more information, but I wanted to say that your bmom obviously has some emotional problems. It almost sounds like bipolar symptoms, but I am not a doctor. You do not deserve that abuse - and that is exactly what it is. I don't know what her problems are, but they are hers, NOT yours.
Can you just get out of her what you want to know? Like say "This is what I need from you". Then you can go your own way.
I certainly hope you have loving aparents, even if they SHOULD have told you about being adopted much earlier.
Take care,
Katie
Brielle - I'm so sorry you are going through this. My adopted kids' bmom suffers from ADHD, bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. What you describe sounds a lot like a boarderline.
My kids have no contact with their bmom. I dread the day that they want to meet with her. She is very unpredictable. One minute you are her friend, the next her enemy. One letter she thanks me for caring for these kids, the next she is accusing and hateful.
While I feel sorry for you, I feel much more sorry for the kids who have to live with her every day. Can you imagine? Be grateful you weren't raised with that!
Did your adoptive parents know she was this way? Talk to them. They want to help you and perhaps they have more information than you know.
I don't know how to prepare my kids for the day they meet their birth mother, but I hope I can give them the strength they need to walk away from her insanity and not get caught up in it. Good for you for knowing when to leave that scene. You are a strong person!
I met my birthfather when I was in my early 20's...when I was told at that age...that the Dad I had thought was my Dad, wasn't....I can't even say it was a meeting.I called him and he spent the next 20 agonizing minutes telling me how my birthMom and HER husband were awful people...I couldn't get anything in or ask any questions..he was rude and out of control. I ended up after that seeing him in a few stores around the area 3-4 times...all the times except once..when he saw me he'd run as If I was some kind of monster. Again I was crushed that he hated me so much, especially since he had 4 kids he raised and was so dedicated to THEM yet for me, I was to be avoided like the plague. The one time I saw him and he didn't run away...now realize at this point, the man is in his late 60's/early 70's...he just sat there and looked at me...that was a turning point for me...because he didn't run, but I looked at him, acknowledged him with a hello and then walked away. I just by that point, no longer cared to KNOW him. He passed away a few years back and though I will always have unanswered questions..for me..I am finally ok with that. I could someday choose to KNOW his other adult children, but so far I just don't want too. I have come to the point in my life at almost 38..that I had the parents I was supposed to have. But it took a long time to get there. I know had he wanted to know me or had he been different, I would have wanted to know him and his family..but after realizing what kind of man he was..I just came to the conclusion that I didn't want that all in my life anymore.
You too have to truly decide what you want..you can either put her out of your life and walk away and be ok with that..or accept her at face value-whatever issues she has...just realize she is who she is and not let it affect you or how you feel about yourself. To be honest, for me...I couldn't deal with the kind of BirthMom you have no more then I could deal with the kind of BirthDad I had...I hear so many times how people meet Birthparents and it's wonderful...it is worth it to search and find birth relatives and see where it goes...but for me I went into finding these people Knowing they may or may not accept me...when my birthDad reacted so badly..I just thought "ok I got enough questions asked"....from his behavior, etc that for me I felt ok moving on from KNOWING him. You have to figure out what YOU want and what will work for you. For me, I want to be in a relationship with someone who would be a positive influence in my life and though I could accept someone just as they are..in the end..if it was affecting me emotionally, which at one time It was...it was either my well being or his..so I chose my well-being and don't regret that choice. Good Luck figuring what you want and need...its not an easy road to travel on..but I can say now being on the other side..It has all worked out, the shock has wore off and I feel good about my choice to do what was right for me. Maybe someday I will look up my other siblings, or maybe not...but today, I am happy, whole and content with the people IN My life and that is so exciting to finally have peace. God Bless you and your new baby to be and fiance.
BrielleMarie
her banging on my door at 2 in the morning (which she's done twice).
Advertisements
Wow sorry to hear that things didn't go so well as they could have. Seems like she has some sort of mental problem, like disorganized schizophrenia or something. Not all people are the same though, and maybe your biological father will be more stable. Perhaps be more tentative, if you choose to try and meet him.I hope that this situation calms down... it might be safer to limit communication with her, because..not to scare you or anything, but things might become volatile
Hi:
This woman has severe issues. It really doesn't matter whether she is mentally ill or not.
The damage she caused is inexcusable. You are entitled to feel however you feel. If you hate her that's your choice but I wouldn't give her that power.
She's not worth it. You found out that she is messed up. Obviously "appearances" are more important to her than reality. Someone locked into that mentality can't give you much that is sincere.
For the time being I would set a definite boundary and tell her if she calls that you are not prepared to be treated like you have a responsibility to tolerate her nonsense.
You didn't ask to be born. She bears the "shame" that this ridiculous mindset perpetuates. The time that it would take to figure out all of this for her may be too much for you to bear.
Forewarned is forearmed. Keep this woman at a distance. You don't need to apologize, she does.
Pretending that you are a cousin so she can continue the lies is wrong. I would have zero tolerance. Let her get her life sort outed if you have some desire for a relationship.
You don't deserve this kind of abuse.
Just remember that you aren't at fault!!!! It's her re-living the whole expeirience all over again...for an example the pregnancy with you, she is taking it out on you cause she cannot deal with the guilt. It was a hard time for her during that time and it has opened that can of worms again.
I am sorry for the abuse that you were subjected to, It actually is a blessing in disguise that you were taken out of that environment and adopted.
I am adopted too and have met my Bmom and she has hot and cold episodes with me but not so blatantly hurtful as that.
She is avoiding me right now and I have to call her if I ever want any contact. She ingores me, and I refuse to take it personally.
I just hope that your Bmother isn't abusing her other children, if she is showing you that kind of behaviour so easily with you. I hope that this isn't the case.
You are better off staying away from that toxic abusive behaviour and just be happy that you made contact and got some answers to some questions that you had and move on with your life and know that you are better than that and no one should bring you down. You know that pride can get you through almost anything
you can put this behind you.
She would have to get psychiatric help before I would ever deal with her. Theres nothing wrong with getting help.
i hope that I haven't been in offensive. I just spoke as honestly as I could. Cheers SHillen
Advertisements
When I read your description of you birthmother's behaviour she sounds like she might have bipolar tendencies or she disassociates. It sounds like there is an infant in the picture and sometimes this affects the condition.
It might not be a bad idea to see if you can get some information about her siblings or her parents and ask them what's up.
Just remember you have to look after yourself emotionally and if she is becoming overtly abusive it's not worth the effort. She might need medication but discussing it with her likely won't work.
See if you can get some information from someone else in the family. Take care.
Anyone pounding on my door at 2 am more than once is going to be arrested. I don't care who they are.
If she has a new baby, it could be postpartum psychosis. No matter what her condition, you need to protect yourself first. This person is not someone you need in your life. Maybe things will change in the future.
Andrea