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I am not sure how to get through the pain of the loss of our baby girl we were adopting, it is kinda complicated as it was our granddaughter/daughter. See my stepdaughter found out she was pregnant and wanted to give up the baby for adoption and she has been homeless and in trouble with the law for id theft and theft anyway she wanted us to adopt her baby and she had filled out all the paperwork and acted happy that we were adopting the baby. stepdaughter had no prenatal care and abused alchohol while pregnant and the baby was born 6 weeks early and came home with us 2 weeks after being in the nicu. then after being with us for 2 months birthmom shows up and says she wants the baby back since she can get welfare and have money. She had told an attorney we forced her into signing papers so the judge said we must give the baby back. We could have fought but we didn't have the means to spend even more than we already had. We don't know how the baby is and I am having a rough time and no one else seems to understand the pain and heartache I am going through. How do you move on and get past the pain.????
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I don't think the pain ever really completely stops - but it does ease over time, like any other loss. We had a failed placement almost 10 years ago, and it still makes me sad from time to time when I think about it. We don't know where the baby is or how she's doing.
I'm so sorry for your loss, faithhopelove. (((hugs)))
I am looking forward to when the anger and discouragement ease. We had a failed adoption two weeks ago and I had to leave work yesterday because I couldn't stop crying. How embarrassing :( I work in an environment where I am surrounded by women who treat their kids terribly and seem to think they are the "victims". I'm not only angry and discouraged, but pretty disgusted seeing some of them with kids out the wazoo, and someone similar to them gets to decide someday if/when we will be a family.
sewminky
I am looking forward to when the anger and discouragement ease. We had a failed adoption two weeks ago and I had to leave work yesterday because I couldn't stop crying. How embarrassing :( I work in an environment where I am surrounded by women who treat their kids terribly and seem to think they are the "victims". I'm not only angry and discouraged, but pretty disgusted seeing some of them with kids out the wazoo, and someone similar to them gets to decide someday if/when we will be a family.
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Caths 1964, I realize that not all women who place for adoption are like that. Thanks for the reminder. :)
Basically what I was angry about is that the women I see each day, and the woman who just changed her mind, have had lots of children and they don't see how their choices (I won't get into details, it's just not necessary) have been short-sighted and self-serving. When they've lost custody of previous children it's in the interest of the chilren, not beacuse society conspires to be personally cruel to them. I am very aware that many of them came from backgrounds where they were probably not given what they needed, and learned from poor examples themselves.
What I'm struggling with is that the young woman who strung us along and put us through the ringer essentially got to decide that no, we won't be a family after all, and kept a good deal of our money. Believe me, it's not just a matter of her emotionally being unable to separate herself from the baby, she admitted having no feelings for the baby but found financial gain for herself in keeping her, which I won't detail on here. Suffice to say, she is being dishonest with the people who are now supporting her because she kept the baby. The law is totally on the side of protecting her rights, and nobody else's. Hopefully we will be matched with someone who does really have the interest of the child at heart. It's hard to see that right now given what I'm surrounded by.
I do apologize for letting my anger make a blanket statement, though.
I am sorry for the pain. Are you believers in Christ?
He won't stop the pain, but you can know that the baby is in God's hands. I understand your pain and know that it doesnt ever really go away. It does change. the best thing to do is pray for the mother that she will do the right thing for the baby, and pray for the baby to be protected.