Question for birthmoms - from future Amom

The vast majority of the birth parents here on the forums placed their children in domestic adoption, rather than losing their rights to the state and having their child adopted via the state foster care system – so know that, in advance, most of the responses you’ll get from the birth parents on this forum will be coming from that context.Having said all of that – here is my advice:Never make promises you can’t keep. Promise the minimum you feel comfortable promising, then if you later decide to do more – you’re free to do that. Don’t get yourself wrapped up in a commitment that you can’t meet.Follow through with the commitments you make.Communicate your thoughts and feelings and listen to them communicate theirs. Be willing to compromise on things – because most relationships aren’t black and white, they’re gray with understanding, compromise and willingness to be fluid when/if needed.Don’t make decisions about things based on how you think your child’s birth parents might feel. If you aren’t 110% sure that they are feeling a certain way about a certain thing – then ask. Don’t make assumptions.It is not your responsibility to heal their pain. You’re not their counselor. Don’t put yourself into a position of being their ‘go to guy’ when they need support through the pain/difficult stuff – because there will be pain and difficult stuff and the best place for you to be is beside them supporting them in finding the resources they need to get the help they need to cope with that pain/difficulty.You adopted their child, not them. Be respectful, courteous and understanding.Open adoption is a relationship – like any other relationship – only with an additional dynamic. Good luck!

I wasn't aware of the circumstance of most of the birth parents on here, thank you for bringing that into the light for me :) Thank you so much for you advice and information! We really will take it to heart and into consideration. "It is not your responsibility to heal their pain. Youre not their counselor. DonҒt put yourself into a position of being their go to guyђ when they need support through the pain/difficult stuff because there will be pain and difficult stuff and the best place for you to be is beside them supporting them in finding the resources they need to get the help they need to cope with that pain/difficulty. You adopted their child, not them." This part was epically helpful to me. With my personality this advice will really help me in making this process as smooth as i can. Thanks so much, i really appreciate your time.

i placed my son in an open adoption a month ago. and live close to my sons parents. we have agreed to visits when we feel that it is right (first visit is in a month) mostly if you are going to keep the birth parents in contact maybe pictures and phone calls. that is what i though open adoption was untill i learned i could vist my child it is up to you to make the choice and what you feel comfortable with. i have no knowledge of foter adopt process but i hope i did help a little bit

First of all, I hope that everything works out for you and you receive a beautiful baby. When it comes to how open your adoption should be depends on both you and the birth mother and your preferences. As a birth mother trying to decide who would raise my baby I was looking for someone that was very open to letting me have contact with my child. I couldn't imagine giving my child to someone and never seeing her again or even just receiving pictures a couple times a year. I was blessed with finding a family that was willing to let me be a part of my daughters life. Before they even took her home we made a plan for me to come to their house two weeks later. It was much easier knowing I would see her soon. My daughter is now 15 and I see her quite a bit. I take her shopping once a year and talk to her often. I know that what her parents and I have is pretty original and I know that having this much openness shows how secure they are in knowing that she will always be their daughter I am just someone else to give her love and support. I do also believe that having this open of an adoption leaves the door open for her if she ever has any questions for me it also helps her to know that I didn't just give her away and that I love her very much and want the best for her. This also gives her the opportunity to know the rest of her birth family including her brother and sisters. I would recommend this arrangement to anyone.:cheer:

First of all, I hope that everything works out for you and you receive a beautiful baby. When it comes to how open your adoption should be depends on both you and the birth mother and your preferences. As a birth mother trying to decide who would raise my baby I was looking for someone that was very open to letting me have contact with my child. I couldn't imagine giving my child to someone and never seeing her again or even just receiving pictures a couple times a year. I was blessed with finding a family that was willing to let me be a part of my daughters life. Before they even took her home we made a plan for me to come to their house two weeks later. It was much easier knowing I would see her soon. My daughter is now 15 and I see her quite a bit. I take her shopping once a year and talk to her often. I know that what her parents and I have is pretty original and I know that having this much openness shows how secure they are in knowing that she will always be their daughter I am just someone else to give her love and support. I do also believe that having this open of an adoption leaves the door open for her if she ever has any questions for me it also helps her to know that I didn't just give her away and that I love her very much and want the best for her. This also gives her the opportunity to know the rest of her birth family including her brother and sisters. I would recommend this arrangement to anyone.:cheer: