Advertisements
Today, he arrives today. I'm trying not to throw up! LOL.
He and his fiance will be visiting for three weeks.
EEP!
I am hoping it will strengthen our relationship.
Here is a weird thing though, that would be interesting to hear other birthmoms and adoptees experiances...
He kind of puts me in the 'mom' role when we're together. As in, expects me (and seems to want me) to organise all travel, entertainment, food activities. It kind of freaked me out the first time.
I was paying for him to fly up to see my parents and he wanted me to figure out the whole trip! Maybe he's just lazy, lol!
It's just weird, because he sees me as a mom type figure, but I'm used to dealing with people his age more as equals if that makes any sense!
What are your experiances as far as the role you play as a birthmother or that you expect your birthmother to play when visitin?
Like
Share
Maybe the age has something to do with it? At 45, I wouldn't expect my Bmom to do everything. I would want it to be a more equal/friends...maybe mature is the word?...relationship. It's hard for me to say what I would have wanted at 23/25 whenI first reunited, as my Bmom wasn't as thrilled to be found as you were, so to speak. At 20ish, I would have probably let her take care of things. At 45, too, too, independent for that.
It might also just be one of those guy things? My husband hates doing the planning. I do most all of it. His son is the same. Why do it themselves if you can get a female to do it for you? Maybe it isn't so much wanting to be mothered by you as it is he is accustomed to having women do it all for him? Of course, I can't possibly know that, but a lot of men are like that...in my experience.
Advertisements
personally, things go COMPLETELY haywire when I try to plan things. Nothing ever works out as I plan & I like to have a schedule. I'm 20 & haven't had any experience arranging travel, activities, where I'm staying, etc. I would be hoping that whoever I'm visiting is willing to plan for me LOL
Quantum, that Carly Simon song, "Anticipation," keeps going through my head while I read your thread! You must be a bundle of nerves!!!
Q, when I reunited with my son twenty years ago, the postadoptions caseworker told me that I was forging new territory, that I was learning by the seat of my pants, as she phrased it. There weren't any books back then on reunion and all the roles that come with it.
I took my cues from my son -- flexibility was the key. I learned to be a mother without being a mom. I did a lot of parenting of him back in those years...without being a parent, if that makes any sense. He needed me to be able to handle the mom role, while also giving him lots of room. I think a lot of it was his age at the time; he was a very young 18 when we first met face to face. I did a lot of nurturing in the early years.
I guess my biggest piece of advice is take your cues from him. He'll let you know what he needs if you look closely...
Advertisements