I hope this is not inappropriate...

But this is my experience. When I was about 10 I was hanging out with a pair of twins, kids of one of my mom's coworkers. They said to me "So you're adopted too?" In one instant, my entire identity was torn away from me. I had no idea who I was, where I came from, who my parents were, or why I even existed. I always felt as if those kids stole a huge chunk of my soul. To complicate things further, over the following years, my mom insisted that my parents were drug addicts, insisted that my mother was a whore and passed on gonorrhea to me, gave me the impression that my birth parents did not want me, and that they were just very irresponsible adults. This turned out to not be the case, but needless to say, this lead to a very troubled adolescence. It was also explained to me that they adopted me due to their own fertility issues. This made me feel like I was just second choice. I was their shameful answer to God's punishment of my mom. I felt her issues were nature's way of telling her she should not have kids, and she just never listened. I had extreme behavioral problems. Withdrew in school. Couldnt handle high school after only 3 months and turned to substance abuse, which went on for several years. I was in and out of detention facilities, boarding school, got shipped off to stay with extended family. I am 27 years old and I cannot recall the last time I have hugged anyone, trusted anyone deeply, opened up to anyone on an emotional level, or told anyone I loved them, including with my partner who I have been with for 13 years. I have always had a general lack of confidence in everything I do, even as an adult, although this is getting better. Adoption always seemed like a shameful subject. When in family therapy to address my behavioral issues when I was younger, whenever a counselor would bring up my blond hair and blue eyes, my mom would freak out and we would walk out. It just seems to me that while they had convinced themselves that their strategy and the stories they told me were for my own protection, they were really just trying to protect the fantasy life they had tried to create when they adopted me. I always felt like I had been purchased, like a hamster from a pet store. Ive always felt so distant from my family, like I just didnt belong. Ive always felt like some lone wolf. Fortunately these days my parents and I have a stronger relationship than ever. I have had many years to heal from my childhood. My parents are fairly open and supportive of my reunion. I hold no grudges against them or resentment. I accept that they did the best they knew how. I just wish I had known everything from the beginning, instead of having my whole life stolen from me. I wish my parents had given some thought as to what exactly I was going through and feeling. I wish they had at least given the impression that they were concerned about what I was going through, rather than making me feel like I was just some inconvenience to them and their fantasy. I wish they hadn't made up or distorted the truth about who I was for their own gain. In hindsight, I am glad I found out accidentally when I was 10. If my parents had waited until I was 18, I would have taken it far worse. I probably would have walked out the door and never spoken with them again. Oh and if there are adoptive parents reading this, when youre adopted child says to you "I think I found my mom" dont say "So are you going to disown us now?" ktnx.