When to disclose adoption plans to dates

no real thoughts here....but I would wait until after the 1st date. Maybe it's just me, but I always could tell after the 1st date if I wanted to continue to see a guy or not....at least in my earlier years...I haven't dated in about 2 years now, correction, I went on a blind group date about 2months back, but decided not to pursue because he wasn't what I was looking for and now that I have L I can't fathom taking time away from her to date heavily at the moment. Good luck :)

I decided to wait until the subject came up, whenever that was. With some people it was during e-mailing (from people I met on dating websites), and with the one guy I met in person it came up during our first date. But I think "the subject" can be a lot of different things. With some it was "do you have children", in which case I don't have any now but I'm in the adoption process and could have some as early as this fall. With others it was "where do you see yourself in 5 years", when I answered truthfully and included that it would include the children I am in the process of adopting and expected to have sometime this fall or winter. And with the guy I met in person it was, he told me he was moving next year, so I replied that was cool and btw I was adopting children this year. So I don't quite take "any excuse" but I will stick it in whereever it seems to fit. I'm not hiding it, so it needs to come up, but I'm not forcing it either. If you start looking for reasons to tell these people about something very important in your life, then it's my belief that you'll find the right opportunity. Oh, and because of the limitations of some dating websites, where you have to state up front whether you have children living at home or not, I have soemtimes been matched with guys who are not interested in children, ever. If I get those, I tell them right off, and rarely hear from any of them again, of course. But at least I was honest. "getting children soon" is not one of the options on those sites - they should join this century! Dating while trying to adopt is interesting, to say the least...

Thanks for your insights on this! I was thinking along the lines you suggested, but I needed input from others who've been there. I've had several conversations with one guy in particular and I'm definitely keeping an ear out for the right opportunity to mention this to him. It's true that on some sites there's no field for "want children", but when there is, I definitely check "yes". I steer clear of those guys who say they don't want children -- no need to go there! To follow up on your comments, what responses did you get from the men when you mentioned your intentions? I'm trying to remain optimistic that there are some men who would keep an open mind and still want to date, but my logical mind tells me that this is a rare man and extremely difficult to find...

Such a male may be pretty rare, but I have to believe he exists. If I don't believe he exists then I may as well stop dating now. I think I've had a pretty wide range of responses. Nobody has challenged my decision to adopt, but some people did stop writing instantly, never even replying to the e-mail where I told them about my plans. Some others replied to other things in that e-mail, but never mentioned the adoption plans, and those people eventually dropped off too (I never knew a specific reason, but my plans probably played a part). The guy I told on our first date is fine with it. He may get weirded out when it actually happens, especially since I'm adopting older kids from foster care who will be arriving with a set personality and needs and behaviors, and that can be hard for people who have gone through all the training and are "prepared" for it. But on the other hand this person responded to that information by informing me that he'd always planned on adopting someday because he most likely can't have biological kids. More info than people usually exchange on a first date (!!) but it worked for us. And we're still dating two months later. Hope that helps!

Thanks DianeS -- you're helping me keep hope alive! As it turns out, one guy asked me if wanted to have kids, so I seized the opportunity to mention my plans. He asked a few questions (why adopting vs. having bio kids) and I told him. He *seemed* ok with it and he called me the next day. I'm taking this as a good sign...

Hey, it's certainly not a bad sign! Sounds like he's processing it OK, since he could ask decent questions about it. Good luck!

This is an old thread but a relavant one to me so I wanted to reply anyway. I am a single lesbian and in the process of adopting. Because i like "girly girls" its hard to find dates ( butch girls are obvious while girly girls are not, and may find a girl hitting on them offensive! lol) So i use dating sites. I personally have it right in my descripton on my profile that I am in the process of adopting and if you are not ok with that, or with children then im not the one. I want my dates to know before we even start talking because its a very important part of me and if they dont want kids or dont want to date someone with kids we arent going anywhere anyway !