Ideas for visitation

We visit about 4 times a year, but DD's birthparents are not a threat or anything like that and she was never abused. Some things to consider are: boundries concerning what they can talk about( meaning they can not say she will come back to them, etc.) How many gifts they can send/ give her and when. Letters and cards are read by you before being given to DD. What names people get. If you are now Mom, what will DD call them and how will they refer to you? How often will you have visits and where. Do they need to contact you prior to the visit to confirm they will be there?( a really good idea) What types of activities(drugs, drunk, upset,etc) would cause a visit to be cancelled?

Caddo's list is great. I'd also add: Phone access/rules How the visit is requested (who'se responsibility) Where (as in the town.. child's town, m's town) visits are to take place Who is allowed at the visit How long a visit What happens if someone doesn't show up for the visit

SO these are your parents too? UGH very hard! The other two have given you very good ideas as far as boundaries. I would just stress that you have this discussion BEFORE any visits take place and establish that YOU will be making the decisions about what is and is not appropriate.

The only thing(s) I would add to what you have already been told is that it needs to be spelled out that missed visits or visits that are shortened or not done because of misbehavior on their part will not be made up. If you are looking for minimal contact, make sure that is put in there-those words "minimal contact". We agreed to a minimal amount with the understanding that if mom/dad are doing ok and she is handling visits well that we can always increase the amount. We also have things in there about not arguing with us or each other in front of her, that they are to support our parental decisions even if they do not agree-they can address this in private at another time (of course I'm not changing what I do because of anything they say but it's in there). Also, internet and phone contact-we have it in our agreement that that contact is up to us. We have that in there because of previous history with the mom's other children in a guardianship situation. Our child is 4 so obviously she's not going to sit down at a computer and email or SKYPE with them but we wanted it in there for in the future. You really need to think about what you want-and make it minimal with the understanding that things can be increased if the situation warrants doing so. My sister has my address but she's not to show up at my house. That's actually in the agreement. She has the address so she can send gifts-she can only send gifts that we have discussed. We used the agreement to set a lot of limits. With the agreement of course that things can always change depending on the situation. Also, our mediator put in the agreement that if they take us to court, only the actual agreement can be enforced. The judge can't increase visits or contact. I'm not sure if this is standard but it's something that stands out for me. Good luck.