Kids questions

I say answer their questions honestly but age appropriately. One day when I was dropping off W at his daycare a little girl about 3 or 4 years old asked me, "Why does he have white parents?" I said, "He was born to a mommy and daddy who are black. They couldn't take care of him so they asked us to be his new mommy and daddy." She just said, "OK." and went back to playing.

I think you actually handled it perfectly. My DS was in kindergarten when my DD was adopted. He was so excited to be a brother he wanted to take her in for show and tell when she was a few months old. One little girl said something about DD's skin being brown and my then almost 6yo DS says to her "Because God makes everyone different!" and he was clearly annoyed. But I think I eloborated a tad for his class and just said that DD grew in another mommy's belly and that was why she looked different than her brother. That was enough and no other questions followed. Over the years I just stick with that response for kids and they are satisfied with little information; adults drive me nuts with stupid questions though. One lady yelled at me in Walmart (go figure) when DD was like 8-9 months old telling me that I shouldn't be perming a baby's hair. Yes, my dark skinned baby has beautiful perfect spirals b/c I sat her in the beauty chair for 3 hours in rollers.

I love the thought of an annoyed 6 yo explaining to his unenlightened classmate:)

I always try to remember that my response to a child is just a model for my son, so he can see how to respond to another person who asks him about it when I'm not around. I try to give a small amount of information, but always answer the question. My favorite answer is "he has more melanin in his skin than I do, so he's darker than me." Now Paxton will tell this to people too :) He's very proud of his "chocolate" skin (he believes it protects him from fire ant bites) and he's happy to go right up to other kids and say, "you're mint like mom, and I'm chocolate because I have more melanin."Other than mentioning melanin, if a child wants more info or directly asks about adoption I give them a very watered down version: Their first families couldn't care for them and asked us to be their new mom and dad so we adopted them. I did have one kid, real cutie, blurt out "did his mom DIE???" Paxton didn't hear it and I have to admit it was a struggle not to laugh, if only at his poor horrified mom's reaction. I don't think anyone expected that! I let his mom handle that one :)

I always just say "He looks different than us because he is adopted." If the kid asks what adoption is I answer age appropriately but usually they don't

CJ - Holy Cow! I could come up with some great comebacks for Walmart Woman, but in that moment, I'm sure I would have been too dumbfounded at the sheer stupidity to say anything! What did you do? We are starting to get more questions from kids as D gets older. Both about why we don't look alike and why he has two moms and no dad. We get more questions about the 2-mom thing, actually. I also give a very simple, age-appropriate answer and that's usually enough for them. We were recently visiting family in St. Paul. D's 4-year-old cousin Clare was very nonchalant. Her mom told us that she had kids in her preschool with 2 moms and Clare matter-of-factly confirmed, "Yes. Two of them." The difference in our skin color never came up. But then we went to visit other cousins out in the 'burbs. I think Clare had tried to explain us to their 3.5-year-old cousin Briana and she was utterly flummoxed. "David has two mommies? You're his mommy and she's his mommy? Does he have a daddy, too?" She seemed kind of alarmed. The fact that we looked different didn't come up with her, either, though. Which is actually kind of interesting to me, since they must notice it.

Oak--that is so cute about the 2 mommies stuff! When my son was 3-4yo there was a boy on his tee-ball team who had 2 mommies. Which in the 'burbs is not too common. I remember DS asking why he had 2 mommies and I said--stupidly b/c I didn't know what to say, "well, that's just what God had planned for him". DS goes "No fair! I only got you!". But to the Walmart lady... she actually worked there--in the pharmacy. She seriously thought she was doing her public health lesson for the day or something. I was so shocked by her idiot comment, I think I only said something like "My daughter is black. And that's why she has curls." I always come up with the best stuff after I walk away but in the moment, half the time I just stand there mumbling. Btw, my DS didn't seem to notice skin color or comment on it unti he was around 5yo so that may still be coming with David's cousins.

I have never had a child that we know ask about the color difference. For me, if it's not a child we know or will see often enough, I don't go into the whole adoption thing. I did that once or twice and I knew it was a mistake because I got a TON of questions and then I just felt as if I was explaining my son's private life story to some kid we didn't even know. I didn't like how it felt. So now, if a child asks about our skin color difference I just say, "Not all kids and mommies have the same color skin and that all families are different." That seems to satisfy kids without me having to get personal and then be asked some pretty uncomfortable questions in front of my kids such as, "WHY didn't his mom want him?" or "Where are his REAL parents?" and stuff like that. I have had kids ask me that while trying to explain adoption and I just feel that if the kid doesn't know us, I don't need to be explaining the whole adoption thing to him KWIM? Plus there are white bio bothers of black (biracial children) so I don't see it as a big deal saying just that.