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Hello, i'm going to try to make it short,17 1/2 yr ago i gave my kids up for adoption. being 14yr old with a 1yr old baby girl and a baby boy of a few month with no family willing to help, the out come was going to be foster care for all 3 of us.so i found what i thought to be a loving family that would adopt both.(they would have each other )..all those years, there was not a day i did not think of them, i cryed for them, i was empty. but what gave me peace was the fact that they where in a good home (big house,farm, etc...) and that they have each other.that got me through my day. 5 months ago she found me ( my baby girl, my first born ) with a small e-mail she ask " do you know me " after my crying and shaking i answer yes . she had given me her IM so that night i was loged on for hr's 1am she loged on. i was ready for anything she had coming to me be it good or bad, but i was not ready for what she had to say.so i listen,she was told at age 6 she was told that she was adopted and only her but in the worst way. she told me she always new she was bc she was treated diff. no hugs or kisses she went on to tell me how her adopted mom would tuck her brother in bed with hugs a kisses and an i love and she would wait for her turn only her turn never came. her brother followed the rest of the family in making her an outcast, the adopted one the ugly one. she was told that they made a mistake in adopting her that her own mother did not want her..and so much more at age 12 she found out that her brother is her blood brother and was told that he does not need to know, will never know and the only reason she got adopted was bc they really wanted him and it was part of the deal. she told me they had a wonerful life big house best schools vactions etc etc but she was missing the most inportant thing a mother's love.i spoke with her adopted mom for 20 min and what came out her mouth was how bad of a daughter she is how bad of a kid she was and so on and so on , and when she spoke of my son nothing but good things and how wonderful he is and nothing like her. ( i would not answer her only bc i did not want my daughter to get blamed for anything ) well its been 2 weeks and my daughter now lives with me ( adopted mom told her to get out and let your real mom deal with you ). and my son well he still does not know that he's adoted and most of all that she is his sister. he is 18 now AND it's time he was told the truth and i know it's not my place to tell him i can not let this go on any longer..so please tell me what am i to do !!:hissy: this was not what i wanted for them, HOW COULD THEY DO THIS !! :mad:
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Wow! What a difficult thing to go through! How is your daughter doing now? Is she OK? I believe that your son has the right to know. I might take a beating from others here, but, he is 18 and should be given the truth. I might say to his Amom that either she tells him, with a deadline of time, or he will find out regardless. How unfair to him to have him not be given the truth. How unfair that your daughter had to deal with this! Just remember, when he is told, the guilt he might feel could be overwhealming. If he did not treat her as his sister, because he was made to believe he isn't - that could have a lasting effect on him as well. I'm praying for all of you!
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That has to be one of the most despicable things I've ever heard in my life. How could they treat that poor girl so horribly?
I agree that he needs to know about his adoption. However, I'm not sure he will believe it if either you or your daughter tell him, and his aparents will almost certainly deny it (and of course he'll believe them). I think it would probably be best for your daughter to tell him, including how she found out. Also, if you have any documentation, that would help. But again, he may very well choose not to believe it, no matter how much evidence there is. At least you will have done what you could to get the truth to him. I think you have to at least try.
I'm glad your daughter is living with you now and is out of that horrible situation. I hope she is able to recover from it once she learns what it's like to be loved and appreciated.
Wow - I can't imagine how it must feel to know that your daughter grew up hurting like that. It sounds like her adoptive family is the definition of dysfunctional.
I've never been through reunion, so I won't give you advice on how to reach out, but I would definitely want my son to know the truth if I were in your shoes. Best of luck sorting this out and I hope daughter has a chance to do some healing while she's living with you.
thank you guy, i still have not done anything , im to scared and only bc he may not believe and to think how will feel if he does. now i do have documentation of the adoption of them both the only thing is that they change hes name aftre the adoption and i don't have any thing on that. my daughter is still here with me and as days goes by we get to know each other some more ..she has a lot of hate in her and is working with alot of issues but i'm here now.so now my new pain is my boy and for her, that all those yr i was crying for them both and felt comfort in the fact that they was ok, was all a lie bc she was hurting.
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so here is the update. I ask Amom to have the talk with him she said NO that he did not need to know, i gave her a week to do it her self or i would. since i was not sure if she would i contacted him my self by email made it short of who i was and how happy i was that his sister found me but said that he was unaware , that i hope that he could forgive me and let me be a part of his life. well , he has not email me back but i did get an email from his other sisiter ( Amom bio daughter ) that he did not want anything to do with me or his sister that now lives with me.. i email back that i was ok with that ( and i really am ) thne seed is planted he is no longer in the dark and when he is ready i'll be right here with open arms bc i love him and always will.
I'm glad he knows the truth. He is probably overwhelmed, naturally, after never being told he was adopted before. He will need time to come to terms with this, but as you said, you will be there when and if he is ready and that's all you can do. I would be greatly relieved that at least my son knew he was adopted. I have no idea why some aparents still keep this information secret and lie to their children about being adopted. It only causes way more problems in the long run.
I would try to contact him again. If the adoptive family was so adament about him not knowing it is possible that they intercepted the email.
This story is so sad and I am so sorry for you. I'm glad you have your daughter back and that she can finally have the love she deserves. If nothing else you can have comfort in the fact that your son was loved..