My 13 year old son wont touch me.

Although I really can't speak to your particular situation, I can say that most 13 year old boys I know aren't into cuddling with mom. I do think in your situation that it will take a while for him to trust you. You're his "new" mom, will you turn out to be like the old one? could be the thought going through his head. Just keep loving him and giving him the space he neds.

I have to agree that I don't know too many 13 year old boys who want to be all cuddly and touchy-feely with mom.

I feel that you cannot bond fully with another person without touch. Especially between a mother and child. That does not mean cuddling with mom or being all touchy feely. But touch is vital. All humans have a need to be touched, even 13 year old boys.I would not allow that need to be met by your daughter. I think he allows touch from her because it is safe. With his mom, there is an expectation of a true relationship, which there should be. With his sister, that isn't there as much. They can have more of a playmate relationship instead of the relationship of reciprocity that a parent-child has. He needs to learn that your touch is safe. Start small and build up. When you walk by him, pat him on the back. Hug him from the side. Face to face hugs are more threatening. I would not avoid touch just because he is scared of it. If you do that, you are reinforcing his thoughts. I'm not saying to grab him and cuddle with him in a rocking chair. But casually touch. Kids with parents that touch them have been proven to be better sociallly equipped as they grow.

I would be more concerned (having sons in this age group 13 - 16) with the fact he IS cuddling, holding hands with or otherwise touching a "sister" that has only been his sister for a few weeks. That isn't a true sibling relationship yet and I would be VERY VERY VERY Cautious about their physical contact (and I say that knowing how it sounds, but also having experience with other families with new older sib adoptions where things did become sexual). Your daughter may be your daughter to you and your son, your son to you but that does NOT mean that they view each other as brother and sister yet (and may not for a while). Those natural boundaries take time and experience to come into place and it is your job as their parent to ensure that their relationship does not develop as anything other than siblings. BOUNDARIES, talking to your daughter about that reality and lots and lots of time. Saying all that - once you put a stop to the cuddling between the siblings (which would NOT be happening in between siblings in any other family I am pretty sure) I would begin to encourage contact between the two of you. A quick hug, wrestling is HUGE for contact between our boys and my husband and I when they resist hugs ... a pat on the back like others suggested, swimmign together where you can wrestle or play a catch game where tackling is part of it -- you are NEVER going to get a 13 year old to "snuggle" very often. Trust me :) I have four healthily attached sons and that is true for all of them.

Jensboys- That's exactly what i was thinking that the cuddling between the 16 year old "sister" and the new 13 year old "brother" is not normal. The 16 year old sister may have totally innocent intentions to show love to and welcome her brother but the brother may not understand that. It is not normal for those two to be "cuddling" and holding hands at this age.

Yes, I would be cautious too. I truly believe your daughter is being "sisterly" and "nurturing." I have several brothers. We never held hands. If anything, we would pat each other. Hug (appropriately). Tussle hair. My brothers were typical boys, so they'd wrestle a lot or get super physical. Occasionally, I'd jump on their backs or try to hit them if they were teasing me (not in a malicious way and it wasn't frequent). Brothers love teasing sisters, love to push their buttons. or maybe it is sometimes just affection. They'd push me or trip me and laugh. But I really don't feel they were inappropriate. Just a teasing brother. It wasn't malicious. However, I see many parents who justify their children beating up on each other as "boys being just boys." So kids slap each other or hurt each other. That is totally unacceptable. If you can't tell the difference, then don't allow it at all. Also, your son could have innocent intentions and just feel non-threatened by a sister his age group. It's may feel safer to hug and hold hands with a non-authoritative family member whose role is a parent. However, even if he has innocent intentions as well, he could easily develop a crush or infatuatoin with his sister. So I would maybe have a private talk with your daughter about what might be appropriate and loving but not be confusing. And have a private talk with your son so he doesn't feel rejected and hurt. And if you have a therapist, perhaps that therapist could help facilitate the understanding and expectation. BTW, if your son is adopted as an older child, even if he is not in therapy and doesn't show a need, it might be a good idea to pursue that idea. Older adopted children can have delayed depression...I know I did. I was adopted at age 12 and seemed really happy and well adjusted. The depressive symptoms didn't show up until later. With teen sons as well, they like to be independent from mothers. my own children are like that. so don't take it personally if he isn't touchy with you. You can always do high fives or air hugs. I do "air hugs" with an autistic nephew who doesn't like to be touched. It's actually funny now and we always laugh when we do it.

Thanks for what all of you have said! I will try and take all of this into consideration and accept it and try and raise my son!