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Hi. I'm 22 years old, adopted as an infant at 6 months. I was only in a foster home for a couple months before I was placed with a wonderfully loving family. I've always known I was adopted, but not that I had baggage from it. Even as I write this I'm reluctant to say my unhealthy behavior stems from external experiences and not a personality defect. Up until a couple years ago I would not have said being adopted affected me nor did I have an inclination to find my biological parents. I wanted to believe it was something of such insignifigance, so long ago that I was unscathed by it. Now after the last 5 years of unhealthy relationships and behavior, I'm starting to feel like I should take it into consideration that I may be reacting to past experiences I can't consciously conjure to memory rather than acting on crappy reasoning and attitude. I'd much rather believe I'm an @$$hole than I have problems. Feeling guilty for existing is way easier for me than even trying to fairly judge situations. Please if anyone in the LA area meets, I'd love to hear what you have to say and maybe share some details of my worrisome behavior to see if there's similarities. Email me gimpykat4261@gmail.com
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The first year of life is extremely important to attachment... how you build relationships with people. Try and think of yourself as that baby.... that was first taken from the only mother he had ever known... that was then taken from the next mom six months later. All this during time when your main job is to learn and trust that people will be there to meet your needs.
Now some babies never have any problem with these adjustments, in others it becomes a pattern of mistrust. Just something to think about.
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gimpykat
Up until a couple years ago I would not have said being adopted affected me nor did I have an inclination to find my biological parents. I wanted to believe it was something of such insignifigance, so long ago that I was unscathed by it.
I can understand how you'd want to believe that being adopted was of little significance to who you are now. Like, who wants to confront the possibility that they may have some very deep losses to deal with? I certainly felt that way until my mid-40's when I stumbled across my b-siblings. It was then that the reality of how deeply adoption had affected me. Prior to my reunion, I'd thought that since I was adopted at a few months old, that I'd always known I was adopted, that I had a loving a-family, that somehow I was unscathed. Good for you for being willing to look at how adoption may have affected you.
As for groups in LA, I do recall that there were threads somewhere in the adoptee forums that a group in LA had formed. Alternatively, Betty Jean Lifton's book, "Journey of the Adopted Self", has a pile of resources including adoptee support stuff in the back of the book.
In the meantime, if you do an internet search on "The 7 Core Issues of Adoption" by Silverstein et al, you may find some useful insights in that article too.
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Thank you both for your responses and support. Until last night, I've been so intent on trying to make myself believe I'm "fine" that instead I've let myself fall into patterns of self-destructive behavior and excuses for them. I think that allowing myself an explaination for them will provide me a way to work on them. Just talking about it for the first time, 1.) Makes me panic and deny it even more but also 2.) Gives me a sense of control. Working towards dealing not excusing...
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