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We have been given several files to look at over the past few months and we also have our file in Korea for 'standard adoption process'. I hate saying no to the files/. special needs referral. Our agency says we are obviously wanting a girl and that is why they are sending them for review. There is no overt pressure but now I feel terrible! I kind of like getting a referral that is more 'picked for us' rather than this processes where you look at a bunch of facts and have to make a life altering decision. I don't know, what does everyone else think? Maybe I should just say I want to wait for the standard referral? Getting files makes me feel like I'm shopping?!:eek:
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i think it is okay to look at files. if you want to feel less guilty about it, maybe narrow the field of conditions you feel prepared to handle and conditions you know you will say no to and be upfront with your agency. we are adopting again, and we are being so very picky. we know what we can handle, we know what we can not, and we know what we can consider. i just recently read a profile and chose not to pursue it bc one small thing did not feel like it would fit into our family well. and i have to think about that. i know that someone else will read her profile and find it to be a perfect match. i feel the same thing will work for me some day, but in reverse. :)
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First of all, never feel bad or guilty about turning down referrals. It's never in the best interest of the child to have a family who regrets them or can't handle their condition(s).
Second, even if you said you no longer wanted to go through the WC process, chances are you will still be referred a child with something...even if extremely minor and you're still needing to review that file to ensure you can handle the possibilities.
I second narrowing down what you're open to. Maybe your list is just too wide open right now. Maybe keep the needs a little more simple. We have 2 special needs children that we adopted and I never found their files hard to review, but maybe you're open to more than we were? I would take a look at it or talk to your SW.