What if I don't want to be in the delivery room?

Eagleswings is right. If you don't want to be in the delivery room then just tell emom what you told us here. Just be open and honest and everyhting should work out for the best. I hope mom and baby have a healthy delivery and I wish you the best of luck.

I get what you are saying. We are just getting to know emom and it hasnt come up yet about the hospital plan. The SW will be discussing it with her in the next month or so but im just not sure if i want to be there either if she asks. I dont think she will, she has a great support system and i think her mom or bf will be in there with her. I guess i kinda feel like its her body, her baby, her privacy. I mean, im not so sure i would want someone who i really dont know all that well, in the room staring at my crotch the whole time im in labor!!! I think you should just be honest with her and say that you think she should spend all the time she needs with the baby and that you would love to be at the hospital wehn the baby is born, but that you want to respect her privacy in a very difficult, painful (physically & emotional) time. Good luck and congrats on being matched!! Rach

I agree with the others that recommend to simply tell her what you have mentioned here if she asks and you decide not to be in there. On the other hand, if you have any interest at all, and she asks, she may be asking to have someone there as support, too. (But you would have a way to get a feeling for if this was the issue during your other conversations with her.) The birthmother of our girls was completely alone during a very scary 3 month early birth of twins, and had we known about her and them at that time, we would have wanted to be there IF she wanted us there. (Then we could have stepped away to give as much alone time as she wished for.) Another thing to think about- I have never had a desire to get pregnant or give birth myself, but it is something I had on my "list" to be a part of one time in my life. I just felt that was one of the things I wanted to experience not via tv or a movie. A dear friend of mine asked me to be in the room with her when she delivered her first child this past May, because her mother would not be able to make it for the birth, and she didn't know how her husband would hold up :) I was scared, but honored. And I have to say, it was an absolutely amazing experience, and I am so glad I got to be there for it. I even cut the cord- which shocked the heck out of me! Once the baby was weighed and my friend was taken care of, I left the hospital, and her family took over with the support and special time. Obviously, in the end, you need to do what is right for you and the expectant mom- best of luck with all of it!!!!!

Thank you everyone. :-)

We just adopted a baby boy. We met his birthmother one week before he was born. At our first meeting she expressed that she would want me in the delivery room with her. This was a complete surprise to me, especially since we had only just met. She explained that she wanted her son to know the story of his birth. She felt like it was important that both of his mothers were there to greet him and share that story with him. I told her it would be an honor. I also told her that she could change her mind at any time. I understood that during the delivery she may change her mind and only want her mother in the room. I was very clear that I was understanding and would give her whatever privacy she desired. On the day of delivery she had an emergency c-section. We made it to the hospital just in time to hold him as he came out of delivery. At the hospital I was prepared to give her as much privacy as she wanted. I was surprised that she wanted us to be with her for support. I will never forget that bonding time I had with our son's birhtmother. It truly paved the way and set the tone for our open adoption.

I'm curious as to where you are in this decision/journey. We just adopted in October and I was in the delivery room, my hubby was not. We both are very happy with our own decisions. The birthfather wanted to cut the cord but almost passed out (his 3rd child, go figure) so I ended up cutting the cord and I was the first to hold him. I gave him to his birthmom, then to his birthdad, and then I took him out in the hall and gave him to my hubby. We are all happy with our decision. Although I love the bond I feel I have with my son, my husband does not feel he missed out at all. He is just as bonded as I am. Go with your gut and be happy that the decision is yours to make! God Bless!

Do whatever is comfortable for you and the birthmom. I really wanted to be in the room for the birth and mentioned it to the birthmom but said if you don't feel comfortable with it I completely understand. She chose to have just her family with her during the delivery and for the next two days in the hospital. We finally got to see our daughter the day she was released from the hospital. Even though I was and still am sad about not being there for the birth I have our daughter and it was the birthmom choice and I had to respect her choice. I really don't think she would think any less of you if you did not want to witness the birth of the baby. I'm sure she would understand.

I had the same feelings. Our sons birthmom wanted us in the delivery room and I am very squimish so I didn't want to be. However, I didn't want to disappoint birthmom and it was very important for her to have his adoptive parents there to witness his birth, be excited and be the first to hold him. Because of how squimish I am, I kept hoping she would change her mind but she never did. So, I went in, asked for a chair and held her hand. Witnessing his birth was such a miraculous experience. I am so glad I didn't chicken out and can now tell him he was brought into the world surrounded by 2 families that love and adore him. If you can handle it I would encourage you to be there. I am almost positive you won't regret it.

thank you for the words of support. We flew to CA on 12/17.. and met the birthmom and spent a week and a half very bored and stressed and homesick. :-) We did however while waiting, spend alot of time with her and eventually decide to be in the room with her. It was a fast easy delivery on 12/29/10 and I was the first to hold her, MH the second. In the following days, we ended up spending even more time with "A" since the baby had to be transferred to NICU at another hospital before any papers could be signed (due to the holiday). I would not have traded the time for anything, she says she wouldn't either. :-) It all worked out.

YAY!!!! I am so happy to hear that. I knew you wouldn't regret it if you did choose to be in there. I found the anxiety before was much more uncomfortable than being in the room. Being the first one to hold our baby was so special for me as I am sure it was to you. Congratulations. Keep us posted. :)

No, I wasn't in the birthing room when my daughter was born. Beside the fact that she lives in CA and we live in FL. Her water broke at around 8:30pm pacific (11:30pm est). She started into heavy labor shortly after. It took us awhile to coordinate plane tickets and stuff. So we got there when my daughter was around 18 hours old. I was told that "D" (bmom) didn't have time for an epidural and had to deliver naturally. She was screaming in pain so much that EVERYBODY on the unit heard her. If I was there, I probably would have been so freaked out, I wouldn't be able to take it. I am glad I got to see her when she was resting comfortably and my daughter when she was all clean and pink. :)

I didn't really want to be in the delivery room but M wanted me there and I held her hand while she cried. It was terribly emotional. I felt M's pain so much that for me at that moment I felt no joy at watching DD's birth. I know a lot of people really enjoy being there but M had not shown any emotion at all up until that very time and it all broke loose and we were all just a bucket of tears...very difficult for me. That being said, I would do it all over again for M if she asked me to because if that is what she needed that is the least I could do for her.