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I am so happy to have found this site. I have just ended my infertility journey to pursue adoption. I am a social worker and thought I knew it all but I have a lot of experience with foster care adoption and none in regards to private adoption. I am so shocked about the difference especially in regards to price. I have contacted several agencies that specialize in AA adoptions and I am finding that they are primarily foster care agencies. I did not want to go the foster care route since I have worked in this field and I know that it is riddled with bureaucracy and I can't deal with it. I have contacted agencies that only do pre-adoptive homes but it still has that foster care feel and I am not in a position to take classes due to the agencies being so far away from my home. I called several agnecies that do straight adoption but they are all open agencies. I have my thoughts about it and I really don't think that I want an open adoption. Pictures and a letter once a year is about all I can handle. Selfish- yes but not through the child's whole life but just right now. I also don't want to go in what I call the Joy Book (I love Big Love) and I especially don't want to be interviewed by some 16 year old about my life style. Then I contacted some private agencies that charge less than 10K but I am not in there catchment area so I don't qualify. So now that leads me trying to find private lawyers. I know that means $$$$$ so I am trying to find another way. I talked to one worker in the Philly area and she was like "money well spent- no guess work and things typically run smoothly". So I do not know where I want to go at this point. Hopefully I can get some guidance so let me kinda spell out what I want.
-Straight adoption. Would be willing to consider being a preadoptive home.
-Newborn-3, gender flexible
-AA
-Would consider sibling group
-Don't want to spend over $20k. 15K and under would be better.
-Closed adoption. WOuld consider open only for pictures and letter. No visitation at least not right away.
Any recommendations would be appreciated. Please flood my PM with agency recs. I can then tell you who I have already contacted.
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Welcome! We are using an agency that pushes open adoption but letters and pictures are enough to be considered open. That's all we are comfortable with right now too. Our agency is in Kansas, I'll PM you the name. The fees are $18-$20k. After the tax credit it's not so much out of pocket. Good luck in your search!Ray
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Most agencies are pushing open or semi open. If you really want closed you'll have to match with a bparent who wants a closed adoption. We have semi open with my DD's adoption. We were required to send pictures and updates the first three years. Now it's pretty much closed. We only heard from her bmom one time and it was when DD was 6 months old.
The director at our county foster care agency told us the same thing about using a private agency. . Money well spent and it runs smoothly. She was right...
I'll send you a couple of agency recommendations...
Thanks for the welcome and all the PM's. I have a lot to think about. I was extremely overwhelmed when I first posted and I might have come off the wrong way. The bottom line is I just want a child's laughter in my home. I spoke with an attorney today and he explained some things to me. I was surprised by some of the things he said. I don't know if he feels that to say things about agencies make his profession look better or if it is really occurring. His retainer to get started was $6,000. He expressed that it would not be a difficult process to go through and he does not anticipate spending over $20K. He sent his contract and the only hard number was the retainer and the hourly rates of everyone in the firm. I have no idea what type of cost I should be expecting with an attorney so I need to google that. Interesting stuff. So hubby and I have a lot to discuss and look up this weekend. I will start calling some additional agencies tomorrow. I will keep you posted.
beyceo
I also don't want to go in what I call the Joy Book (I love Big Love) and I especially don't want to be interviewed by some 16 year old about my life style.
You sound just like me. I was not interested in open adoption when I started looking into adoption and I wanted a young child and we were on a tight budget. To be honest with you, most agencies are looking for familes that will embrace open adoption and the possiblity of meeting the biological parents. If you want a total anonomyous adoption you will limit yourself to the amount of agencies and birthmothers you can work with. Honestly, I would either considered going back to fertility treatments or adopt internationally from ethiopia or Mali. African nations are generally very affordable because your dollar is worth a lot and the travel is extrmely short. You should plan on spending 20-30K to adopt a baby.
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You can adopt domestically. Since you are wanting to adopt an AA child there are certain advantages to it. You should remain free as possible because the majority of AA adoptions tend to be baby born situations... not prebirth matches. If you are tied financially to one agency or attorney you may miss out on a situation. After paying for the homestudy... I would only pay application fees upfront... I would not pay a retainer because you are stuck. Plus an adoption through an attorney shouldn't be 20K... I should be cheaper since they don't provide all the services an adoption agency provides.
20k is way too much, a lawyer's retainer fee should be less than that amount, and itemized. The prospective adoptive parent(s) should know up front how much money will be refunded, if say birth-parent counseling is not utilized. I would find out why up to 20k does this mean an agency would be involved and that larger amount would go to said agency? If not then 5 ooo is not bad, itemized should break down to: show your attorney fee, documentation review, social worker fee, counseling fee, any personal expenses for the parent..filing tpr papers, for the birthmom and birthdad, court costs, certain admin costs. etc; Any agreement on personal expenses for the birth-parents may raise the costs, ask for specifics on what would raise the amount over the retainer fee. However as I said prior, if certain services are not rendered, you should get that portion of the money back.
Thanks for all the feedback. Would anyone who PMed me agencies please do so again. I have no PM messages for some reason and I did read them before so I don't know what happened. The attorney stated that his retainer is 6K and he did not anticipate that I would be anywhere near 20K for the adoption. He did send me his paperwork but there were not itemized breakdown of charges so I won't be going with him. I am still on the hunt for a private attorney. Please keep pm-ing me :) with any suggestions.
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