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I found my mother when I was 16. She met me once and didnt want to continue a relationship with me because she didn't want her two other daughters to know. She gave me up the first time because she was too young. She abandoned me the second time because it was in convienent for her. She denies the privilage of knowing me to her children. It had been almost 20 years and had I died in car crash or something I would have passed without her knowing or even caring. I am NOT like her. I would hunt to the ends of the earth to find my children and I love them above all else. Well birthmother, you don't want to know your grandchild and wont let your own parent contact or know me. CLOSED adoptions are the dirty little secret that they dont want you to know about. I always believed that she thought of me from time to time and would someday contact me and tell her children. You may only think of me on my birthday but everytime the doctor asks if I have family history of whatever, I have to think of you. Growing up everyone would tell me I didn't look like my parents. I knew I was adopted and my extended family knows and I HATE it. I know if I found out I had a half sister who needed my kidney or bone marrow they could have it. Would you do the same? I had a rough time finding out who I was. Personalities are hereditary. I am someone's secret shame. Somewhere, someones wishes they could forget me and if I ever saw her again I would tell her to go to hell, but I could never because I still need and want her. Its all I ever wanted was to be reunited and to be accepted. I hate my birthmother she did me no favors by chosing to have me. I would have rather been spared of being a little wanderer, but not all who wander are lost. I have made a sucessful life for myself and my children. She will go to her grave with regret. I know I would, but then again she is NOTHING like me.
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I broke down and called her. We spoke for a few monents on the phone. I am ill and really did need an updated medical history. It has been 18 years. I told her how well I made out and about my kids. She said she will never tell her other children about me. That is fine. I have one mother and one father. My A parents.
My mother no doubt suffered lots of trauma from giving me away at 15. She went on with her life like they told her to. She said she would keep in touch. This I doubt.
The stigma and shame surrounding adoption is keeping her children from me and my grandparents from knowing me as well. My adoptive grandparents have been dead may years and I miss them greatly. My two healthly natural grandparents live 4 miles away.
My birth father hid me in the closet all these years and is ashamed to mention me to people who didn't already know about me from the past. I recently severed our relationship for this very reason. I have lived in shame long enough.
I am legit and won't be your "cousin" or your "friend". I am glad I searched and would do it 1000 times again. The peace it brought be was well worth any disappointment.
My parents loved me like I was their own and they will always be my kin. My ancestry is not theirs though. That belongs to my Bparents. I come from a different blood line. I am from two worlds I am neither , yet I am both.
It is time to lift the shame and secrecy that surrounds adoption. It hurts all parts of the triad. Open the birth records. Keep limited contact with the birth family for medical history, lineage, and the knowing that the other party is ok. Adoption should be something to cherish as part of the circle of life.
I am still ashamed after all of these years to admit that I am adopted. I never knew how traumatized I was from closed adoption until the birth of my son when I felt reconnect to the earth. I think when we look back in history 100 years from now we will see closed adoptions and forever sealed records as a short lived practice and as cruel.
I am just as related to my birth parents as any of their other children, but I am treated like a outcast? What is wrong with this commonly seen picture?
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My half sister found me and I have never been so happy !! We talked for hours on the phone like we knew one another our whole lives !!! I told her I knew about her for 17 years and never contacted her. She said it was for nothing and all those years we had were lost. We talk everyday now and for the first time I feel complete.
I love my sister and she loves me and our kids will know one another now. Our mother won't talk about it. She lives in that dark sad place still. We have similar lives and look alike. We sound the same on the phone. We are the same height and weight, same everything. We even have one wisdom tooth each that is not impacted and had braces.
Everytime I find a new member of my family I feel like a little piece of me is returned. I feel more complete.
"And he piled upon the whales white hump. A sum of all the rage and hate felt by his own race.
If his chest had been a cannon, he would have shot his heart upon it."
Moby Dick, About Revenge and how it corrupted him to sacrifice his crew and ship...for my BirthMother
littlewanderer
My half sister found me and I have never been so happy !! We talked for hours on the phone like we knew one another our whole lives !!! I told her I knew about her for 17 years and never contacted her. She said it was for nothing and all those years we had were lost. We talk everyday now and for the first time I feel complete.
I love my sister and she loves me and our kids will know one another now. Our mother won't talk about it. She lives in that dark sad place still. We have similar lives and look alike. We sound the same on the phone. We are the same height and weight, same everything. We even have one wisdom tooth each that is not impacted and had braces.
Everytime I find a new member of my family I feel like a little piece of me is returned. I feel more complete.
"And he piled upon the whales white hump. A sum of all the rage and hate felt by his own race.
If his chest had been a cannon, he would have shot his heart upon it."
Moby Dick, About Revenge and how it corrupted him to sacrifice his crew and ship...for my BirthMother
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:prop: I looked through old pictures of me to send her and for the first time I enjoyed looking at my childhood pics. there weren't lonely and sad they were ok. :)
My love for my sister has made it all worth while. She wasn't devistated like everyone thought she would be. She was happy and so am I. I felt like a rocket... I could have just shot up through the ceiling.
:dance:
Our mother did a horrible shameful thing in her own eyes. We don't blame her. All she said was that she was young, and her parents have always blamed her for having to give away their first, healthy grandchild. We both lived with a broken heart. Closed adoptions were the in thing then. With social media I can see them phased out in the near future. My stubborn old Aparents can see that now.
Yes an open adoption would have saved us both a world of pain. She found me on FACEBOOK. :rolleyes: Its never too late
Thank you everyone and don't wait to contact your siblings !!!
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Katie1
I have read your thread and I feel so terrible for you regarding your bmom. I am a bmom and I think it is inexcusable behavior by your bmom. It is not your fault about anything. I understand the shame, but times are way different now and there is nothing to be ashamed about for anyone in the Triad. People dealt with things at the time that was needed, but everything changes and people change so it is time we all start to know our own bmoms and children. Relinquishment of my son was also a "closed adoption". I couldn't agree with you more that these records NEED to be opened!
I actually found and reached out to my son for a reunion, but his reaction is the same as your bmom. I just don't get it. I love my son and would give anything to have him in my life, but he isn't even interested in knowing who I am or where he comes from much less having him in my life. I feel your pain so much and I am sorry you are going through this because I don't think you should be. But, I don't think I should be going thru what I am either. I guess life is just not fair.
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