Will my dream ever come true?

My maternal instincs have kicked in full force. The pain of not being able to concieve has been eating away at me. I just want to bring a child home to give it a life like my parents gave me, the best of everything! Researching adoption can become confusing there are so many options none seem fast enough. I red a story on line about a hosipital that built a room for mothers to drop babies off no questions asked, for a second I imagined someomeone droping a baby off at my house no questions asked. I crave walks, play dates, parks, vacations, toy shopping, clothing shopping, family functions with my child. I know my husband and I have so much to give a child, it would be a waste if I couldn't be a mother figure. I spend hour apon hours on the computer reading about adoption. We decided we might try to adopt from our local CAS, my husband has a child whom he isn't allowed to see the court grantd visitation but the mother said "I'm her mother not the court and I said NO!" she moved away and we have never seen her since. After the sudden death of my husbands mother my husband fell off the wagon so to speak cas got involved and because of that 7 years ago we both fear if we apply and are turned down by cas we will forever be turned down by agencies. One night, one mistake, 7 years ago--- and I'm being punished with him, I never even knew him then nor did I know about his falling off the wagon. I know I'm making him sound like a monster the truth is he never drank before his mothers death nor after it was just one night and it has ruined us because even though cas closed the case its still there they know they know he isn't perfect. I have considered living seperate from my husband to get a child, but that would be wrong. Why can't a family pick us? Pick us to help raise their child. Were so open to open adoption infact we prefer to meet a mother who is close so we can have many visits and photos and be one big happy family. And our child will be blessed knowing he or she has two mommys and two daddys. There has to be someone out there right now looking for a birth plan for their child. My name is ashley from ontario my husband and I are looking to adopt and we hope that you read this and may know someone looking for a birth plan and you think of us and give them our contact info super-sweet-angel @ hotmail.com Word of mouth and prayer is all we have right now please keep us in mind