Q from adoptee: When is the right time?

Assuming the L-bomb is an emotion word, I'd recommend you say it when you feel it. If she's anything like me, I was longing for that bomb from the first moment.

Just make sure you mean it! The problem is that love isn't only an emotion, it's a way of acting and living. You can find stories of bmoms whose children tell them they love them and then withdraw from the relationship (I'm sure it happens the other way around, too.) I guess what I'm saying is don't just say it because you know she wants to hear it.

I'm glad you guys spoke up---I wasn't sure what the "L-Bomb" meant. I saw this thread late last night, and at first, I thought it meant when the OP should tell her birth mom that she's a lesbian, lol. (My mind probably went there because my son is gay and that was one of his major concerns when we first reunited...when should he tell me that he's gay.) I think it's okay to tell your first mom that you love her if that is what you feel like doing. It's not going to freak her out---I'm sure she'll welcome hearing the words when you're ready to say them. Looking back now, I can see that my son struggled with this question. What he did was to sign his letters and messages with "Love, DS" for a while before saying the actual words. Then it progressed to saying, "I love you, too" after I'd tell him I love him. That took a while... I think what my son really struggled with was how to tell me that he wanted to call me "Mom" at a certain point in our reunion. What he did with that one was to just slip it in during a casual remark...and then he looked over at me with a sideways glance to see if I caught it. I winked at him, and he grinned...that happened 20 years ago. He doesn't call me Mom very often, usually just when he's not feeling well or if it's a holiday...but it feels good to hear it from time to time.

ha! funny. Sorry, Raven. That was an attempt at humor, but after I posted it I thought it may be misconstured as "lesbian" as well, which if that were the case I would really have some 'splainin to do (I'm a guy). I have started calling her mom, but I haven't done so in person, just when I email her. I can imagine myself giving that sideways glance and grin as well. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but am not always able to put those emotions into words (at least not spoken words), so my fear is that when the time comes to say those words I will clam up.

Well, when you don't clam up, I think that will be the right time. Also, by then it probably won't come as a "bomb," because your relationship with each other will be at a point where she has some idea how you are feeling. My advice is to just have the relationship instead of stressing about what words describe it. Then the things you say will be natural and not something you had to plan out.