how to explain attachment disorder to unbelieving family??

We adopted our daughter at age 5. The process took 18 months and should have taken less than 6 because it is an in the family adoption. The birth parents fled to LA to become "rock stars" and left our adopted daughter in her abusive biological grandmothers home. She was removed from that home and NOT placed with us even though we pitioned for the adoption AND had been approved by the county AND were in the process of terminating parental rights. Needless to say, we eventually did finalize the adoption and now, after EIGHT years of RAD behavior, my dad finally gets it. He finally gets that the most normal things are difficult for her to accept (e.g., hey dad, what do you think of my clothes today?" Well, I think your skirt is too short.") Major problems for me. I am on the SH*t list for the next 24-48 hours. My family thinks we are overly strict, overly protective, and do not realize thar structure, rules, and predictability help ease anxiety and allow her to feel secure. She is the perfect school hall monitor and rule police. Thus not too many friends. Does not get relationships with other girls and more easily relates to boys. Hey, they either like you or they don't and it way more simple for her RAD to grasp. Our in-laws got it because they stayed wiht us for six weeks at a time and she let them see everything. We went through 16 weeks of DBT therapy this year and have been in individual counseling since age 6. It does get better and she is getting better and wants to help herself by making changes and allowing herself to calm down. If you want to talk more, send me a message. Good luck.