positive learnings from adoption journey

I think there are a lot of positives in the midst of what feels like rubble from my adoption stuff. I agree that I have met many amazing people through this experience. I would also say it has renewed my faith in God, primarily because it reaffirms my belief that we all have a purpose. As adoptees in a way something/someone intervened to alter the naturalӔ course our lives should have taken. I do not look back on my childhood fondly, nor do I have contact with my adoptive family anymore because they did not want to live in honesty and truth, but I am still grateful for my experiences and know without them I wouldnt be who I am. IҒm still trying to figure out what exactly Gods purpose is for me, but I know that all the craziness in my past is part of it and being an adoptee is a huge part of that.

Interesting thread Ripples Yes, I have met/communicated with some amazing people as well, both in real life and on these forums. I've also learnt a lot more about adoption over the last 8-9 months and understand a lot more about how it was for our birthmothers. I've read many inspiring stories (yours included mymotherssacrifice) and realised how different yet similar everyone's situation is. Ripples, I can attest to your empathy; if it hadn't been for you and Dickons when I first starting posting on here, I would have thought I was abnormal to feel as I do. I agree. At no time have I regretted contacting my brelatives, I have learnt so much more about my bmother and am getting to know my uncles and cousins as people. There are still more relatives to meet which I am looking forward to as well. Also despite the sadness in my bmother's life, I have learnt that she loved and was loved and that is something a lot of people don't have/are capable of. I am proud to be her daughter. I am also now proud of my heritage and "proud to be an Orstralyan" (although I still go for the All Blacks lol) I think I have learnt so much in the last year, not just about adoption but about myself (though the learning is still definitely ongoing).

Ripples, I suspect adoption affects all of us in different ways, and yet, it also affects many of us in the same ways.It appears that adoptees go through many stages. They are not different from the Kubler-Ross association and it's acceptance of the steps related to a terminal disease.In my own case, I was from an era when children were "seen, but not heard." Nonetheless, the learning experiences associated with adoption were not different then from what they are today. Families may be more open and willing to accept a-children as distinct people, but adoption continues to be a life long sentence.On my part, at first there was disbelief. I wondered how adoption could have happened? Following the pathway through the adoption cycles of growth and learning was long and hard. I learned that it was not right or wrong that mattered, but rather what status was assigned in your a-family. In the order of family, I was last.As a result I became an observer. I was vigilante in terms of looking at what may happen and attempting to anticipate those events so that there was protection. Adoption brings about trust issues and coupled with those, are feelings of isolation in which you gradually accept responsibility for the unfolding of your life on a daily basis. You understand that the assignment of your status in your a-family is permanent and to have a better life only you can cause meaningful changes to occur. You have to wait for opportunities.As I journaled my story, I threw off labels that a-family had assigned and also their expectations of me. I could be more than a dishwasher associated with fast food. And yes---I had honest feelings. What I learned through adoption was that I had strength. NO was a complete sentence. I had the right to accept or refuse situations and offers. I didnt have to accept an assignment of being low class. I could learn, become professional and in the end make a contribution to the lives of other people.Am I happy with what I have learned through adoption? Yes! I can be objective and I have almost unlimited emotional strength. I learned that there are "majors" and "minors" in our lives.The "majors" are the commitment that we have which provides us with the experiences in living to operate our lives on a daily basis. The "minors" are those sets of experiences that although they may be deep, and often associated with triggers, are experiences that we have dealt with in the past and now are lurking in the background. We can put those on hold and we have the freedom to deal with them when we can.On reviewing my adoption now, it is easy to see that I wasn't bad, lost, feeble-minded, or there were reasons for me to be suspect and tainted. I was simply sold into adoption and it was my adopted family that provided my low level assignment because those were their goals for me.My only ongoing feelings of loss, also related to grief, are those feelings non adopted people have from the experiences they had as non adoptees. It seems they had the freedom to be free of "family" worry or concerns in their pathways to being adults as well as to allow their lives to unfold in an orderly way as they would naturally. I miss that opportunity a great deal. I wish you the best.

Wow...my journey of finding out who my birthmother started when my adoptiove mother was on her deathbed; and she told me that I should finally find out who my birthmother was....she wanted me to give her a message...tell her "thank you" for giving me the best gift of a child to raise. So, she passed on a couple of months later...and then I contacted a searcher...she found my birthmother within 3 days and told me that I should call her....unbeknownst to me...my birthmother did not want to know me in the least....and she told me in so many ways that if I ever contacted her again..she would have me arrested..... So, after that....i stewed for about 6 months...but my searcher did give me info about my 3 siblings...so i contatcted the middle sister and she knew nothing of my existence....it has not been easy; but what started out as a phone call to my sister...has given me two sisters that I will call forever friends...my brother still wants no contact...but that's ok....this journey I'm sure has not ended...because I haven't found the birthfather yet.....I always wanted to know who my birthmother was....and even though it didn't turn out all warm and fuzzy....just knowing that she is ok warms my heart....