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I think my relationship is suffering with my fiance do to built up aggression that stems from my adoption. She is the first one that i can say that I truly love and I am afraid to lose her. For the first time in my life I have that completed feeling of love and I don't want to lose it or her because of my underling issues. I have been open with her. Can someone please give me some advice. We have been together for almost 4 years.
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Good for you for recognizing how some of your underlying emotional dynamics are affecting your relationship. I think it takes courage to confront one's own aggression and pain. Have a read of the article, "7 core issues of adoption" by Silverstein et al (it can be found via most search engines). I don't know of specific books about adopted people and their fiances or spouses, but given that many adoptees have underlying grief (and anger) it could very well be spilling into your relationship. There are other books about being adopted, eg. "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky et al, or "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier (she also has a web site), that you may find helpful in exploring your feelings about adoption. Is it possible for you to seek a counsellor - either individually or together? If you feel comfortable enough, can you open up your feelings with your fiance about your feelings of adoption? Do keep in mind that some non-adopted people find it very difficult to understand adoptees' struggles. Here's another article about how adoption can affect partners of adoptees -the organization is one of the major post-adoption centers in Sydney, Australia (I guess you're not from Australia, but at least the article may help shed some light)[URL="http://www.bensoc.org.au/postadoption/director//searchandreunion/otherpeople.cfm"]Post Adoption Resource Centre - Other people affected by adoption[/URL]
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