Never thought the Day would come

I was adopted by by Dad and also raised by my bio Mom...my Dad struggled with the idea of ME forgetting him when I went looking to meet my birthfather...I think that is why your sons Mom likely is acting the way she is...she is fearful and that is so natural...the best way to help her is to just allow her time to accept that your son will have BOTH of you.... and then with you... your son is old enough to make up his mind and should be allowed to know you and see you..in my situation...I so wished my birthfather would have wanted to at least know me...he didn't and it was a real mess but as I got older..I realized that I wasn't looking for my birthfather to be my "Dad"...as I already had a Father..I just wanted to know him and my other relatives....know my heritage...etc....so for you it is nice you are willing to meet your son and let him know YOU..so don't feel guilty about that... In the end...whatever happens will be closure for you both while also being a new chapter and new beginning for you all..just give everyone time to adjust. God Bless

Thanks so much. I do want him to be apart of my life if that is what he wants.

I am sorry your son's amom is acting like this. He is an adult and she has no control over this (nor should she). My advice is to meet your son and develop a healthy relationship. Follow his lead. My sil wanted her mom to meet her bmom and it went very well. I hope you both can meet and enjoy each other someday. Congrats on finding your son and gl!!

I think that you have done all you can to put a-mom at ease, you should just concentrate on building a relationship with your son. Maybe, after you and he have built that relationship and she sees that he is happy, she will relax a little. He is definitely old enough to decide whether or not he wants to have you in his life, but as any parent would, I'm sure she's just fearing for the fall out if things don't work out. I say just take your sons lead and hopefully she'll lessen her fears as your relationship blooms :). Best wishes!

These things unfold at their own pace. The first while is a whirlwind. I know that most adopted parents are scared for a number of reasons but he is 24 and if there is a good relationship it won't be destroyed by meeting you. As an adoptee I know that my adopted mother cannot be replaced. She will always hold a place in my heart. There is room for more always. Good luck.

OnevoiceCan Firstly, Congratulations !! I know what it is to be found and finally to be able to imagine a life that includes the one adopted. To be given another chance. I also understand why adoptive parents feel a little threatened. They fear their son will revert to his birth family and their family will be torn apart - The aparents have hoped for 20+ years that their love would be enough and that the adoptee would not need anyone else. So now..... yes they are finding it hard to reconcile your presence in their family. They want the roller-coaster to slow down. And there's a lot of sense in that too - if you read articles and stories from reunited adoptees and experts, they all say - slow is good. To be able to have enough time to let the emotions settle, find some common points of interest, and to understand the different currents that weave themselves into both families is really important. When I was found by my son (30yo at the time) we took 6 months before coming face to face with each other. It was a long time... but with e-mails, texts, phone calls and letters we gave each-other time to slowly created a sort of history. When we met he knew about his half-brother and sister. Knew about my life, and I knew about his relationship with his girlfriend, his sister and his aparents. And... by waiting we gave those family members time to get used to the idea that there was another person/family in the mix. 12 months after our reunion, I did get to meet the parents - Two very nice people who were only concerned that their son could be emotionally hurt and their family irrecoverably split. Everyone had settled down and accepted that you can't be loved by too many - only too few. Now almost 10 years on everything is very normal. There's a wife and two children who also share their life with us, and our family has grown at an amazing rate. All good - I wish you the best that reunion can be - lots of joy and patience, and a future that is inclusive of all. Ann

This comment is being given in kindness - reunion is between you and your son. He is an adult so you didn't have to ask her permission to have contact with him. Please don't feel guilty and you don't need to feel guilty just because his adoptive mother feels threatened. She is the one who needs to put her feelings to one side and be supportive. It's not fair of her to put pressure on the relationship.