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Maybe I just need to get over it, but bio mom of my older three drives me nuts sometimes!! She'd emailed asking what they want for Christmas. I told her they didn't really want a lot of toys this year. In fact, they wanted to donate some of their toys (used, but good shape) to a women's shelter. Though they have no memory of it, they actually lived in one w/ bio mom for a few weeks. They were concerned about the kids that might be living there not having any toys/gifts at Christmas. They have such loving and generous hearts, and I told her that. She writes back that she's happy to hear that. She is one of the most generous people she knows, as is her boyfriend. The kids must get that from her.Now..to know this woman....you'd know that generosity is not her strong suit. Nor did the kids 'get' that from her.Anything positive that I mention about them, she seems to take credit for it. If they like music, they get that from her. If they get good grades, they get that from her. I know there are some things that are naturally part of her and bio dad. There are some tendencies to like similar things, etc. Not trying to negate that. However, I'm just sick of her taking credit for EVERYTHING they do (that is good of course). She just cannot seem to admit/see that they have turned out this way because of DH and I! She hasn't raised them in over 5 years and in the years prior to that would dump them with anyone with a pulse. She has seen them 2x in the past 5 years. Just had to vent a little bit!! She isn't a 'bad' person, just totally delusional about all things reality!
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I totally understand what you are saying! We have not yet adopted, but are fostering a sibling group of three and Mom takes credit for everything, and has some very interesting "memories" of things she has done with the children prior to them coming into care. Of course she suffers from mental illness and I'm sure that her "memories" are the result of just really not knowing, but it's frustrating to hear her tell me stories of the children when they were younger.
She still has no idea how old FS was when he came into care - she is off by several months. She has no clue about developmental milestones and when they occur and continuously tells me that FD was sitting up and playing with electrical outlets at 2 months old.....
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UGH!!! I can totally see why you feel annoyed.
I would look at it this way... SHE really can take FULL credit for all of the wonderful things and qualities her children now have. For if it wasn't for her poor parenting, her children wouldn't have found a wonderful family like yours to teach them to be giving and loving individuals.
So in an awfully twisted way... she really is to blame for them being such great kids! :)
You know she is like that because she "knows" that they are now making these good choices because of "you". If she admitted that out loud she would finally be admitting that she could never be the mom that you are. She is blowing her own horn because she knows she failed and you are succeeding .... she feels like crap and is trying to make you feel like it too. Take it has a compliment. :)
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athikers
My daughter's bmom also likes to use revisionist history and take credit for everything. When you are working so hard at open adoption it can get a little maddening at times. I feel your pain.