The first step of many

I wish someone had responded to you!We are in the same boat and have these questions as well... Anyone have any answers? Shelley in VA

Hi Erica, 1. There are no easy answers for Bulgaria adoption time frame right now. It depends on so many factors. There are families who have been waiting for two years and some that have been waiting for 3 years for a healthy toddler. The wait is shorter if you are willing to accept a referral on a waiting child. 2. Language- I think it depends on the child and their age. I haven't gotten my referral yet, so I don't have an answer. 3. Again I think it would depend on the child. I will say that from what I understand the Bulgarians tend to have fairly accurate health reports. But many Roma kids may be labeled as delayed b/c of the cultural expectation for Roma. 4. It depends on the orphanage. Most do not have air condition. If you want to see some pics you might look at One Heart Bulgaria's website (not for profit org that helps orphans, not an adoption agency). Some orphanage directors have allowed slightly older kids to skype while waiting between trips. 5. I know that the agency I am using has a good Bulgarian agency that is with you most of the trip. Again a lot would depend on the agency you are using. Your agency should be able to answer this question. Waiting can be really hard at times. At this time it is really unknown how quickly referrals will come out. I think in February there were around 30 referrals. There are over 1000 PAPs that are registered per the report that was done by the MOJ in Dec 2010. Some of these families have been registered since 2006/2007. I hope that helps answer your questions. Kat

1. From day one to the referral, what is a realistic estimate on waiting? I have been out of it a while, so I cannot really answer this. But, if you adopt off of the medical needs list, it will go much faster. Many kids on that list are not all that sick. My daughter was on it as Hep B positive. They actaully treated her in Bulgaria, and came home without it. 2. How long does language acquisition take? My second daughter as 3.5 when she came home. Took about 3 -4 months. 3. What should I realistically expect in terms of the needs of the child? It seems the stories are either all perfect or all tragedy. Where does the reality lie? The first 6 months will be very hard. A lot of testing, confusion, being scared. Gut through it, you should be OK in the end 4. What are the orphanages like in Bulgaria? How are the children treated? What do the children know about the coming adoption? There are 300 orphanages in Bulgaria, and they are all different. Some pretty good, some not. Expect a 1 month delay for every 2 in the orphanage. Took my girls about 1 year to catch up. I believe Tree of Life also has some pictures up of orphanages. 5. What happened on your referral trip? Was there a translator? A doctor? A social worker? What was that experience like? I had a translator with me at all times. There is no doctor or social worker. They should be able to ask the orphanage staff any questions you have. Enjoy the food, they have the best shopska salad! Give a donation to the orphanage, but not cash. Have your translator find out what they need, and bring that to the orphanage on your pick-up trip. The bonus question is this- what is something you really wish someone had told you? Whatever shoes you put on your child the first day, they will wear for months. Put good quality, comfortable ones! Bulagain children are told that when their mommy comes, she will give them new shoes . The associate shoes with mom. If the shoes come off, mom may go away. Do not give them too much juice or candy. They are not used to sugar and it will make them sick. Bring blow up beach balls and balloons on your visit trip. Leave a photo album, with descriptions of the pictures written in Bulgarian (by your translator) for the child.

OH Kay, That is fabulous to know about shoes and balloons:) Puts a tear in my eye thinking about it! All good information- Thank you for sharing! Shelley

Awe... the shoes thing, that's kind of precious, but sad in a way. Thanks for sharing!!!!

Shelly and Erica, I have adopted from Bulgaria. My daughter came home in March 2010. Let me know if you have more questions than the 5 below... I am more than happy to help... the answers above are very accurate! And both sets of answers are from 2 wonderful women that I have met along this adoption process. :) I will answer your questions as the relate to MY daughter, because everone's experiences are so different from child to child. I can tell you that you should have the referral assessed by an International Adoption (IA) doctor before accepting... especially if you have any reason to believe their could be something wrong... Trust your gut! BG does not have as high of rate for FAS/FAE, but there have been cases discovered after placement... I think it is not a diagnosis that presents often enough for the BG docs to understand it and know it unless the birth mother is under the influence when she gives birth or is a known drug user, etc.... understand, it is a condition that effects not just Russian babies... but babies in the United States as well... and even if it is a domestic adoption you may not know the effects of alcohol until the child is older. 1. From day one to the referral, what is a realistic estimate on waiting? From the date of MOJ dossier registration (not when you begin your homestudy), for a girl under 5 I would estimate about 24 months... it may be less than that because the MOJ has made signifigant progress going through the backlog of dossiers from the 4 year slow down; however, it would not be fair to tell you less than 24 months. 2. How long does language acquisition take? **I paid for a tutor to come and interact with her 2-3 times per week for an hour... between trips. She had a job to do... even if it was just to learn what English sounded like. I can confidently say that most "other" people could understand her broken English at about 3 months... I stopped speaking BG words at about 2 months. 3. What should I realistically expect in terms of the needs of the child? It seems the stories are either all perfect or all tragedy. Where does the reality lie? **Yes and no.. I think the biggest contributor to sunshine and roses or tragedy is the preperation of the adoptive parent and their realistic outlook of adopting a child. It CAN be sunshine and roses... I typically didn't WANT to write about my daughter when i was wore out and grouchy... I don't like reliving those moments over and over... I prefer to wait and share fun moments and things I want to remember. I can honestly say once I was 6 months in... it was like a light switch flipped and we all relaxed. the roughness is the control issues... and realizing they are control issues... and for you to step up and take control. If the child feels "in control" then the situation is "out of control"... they need to know that they no longer need to be a survivor but that they are protected... otherwise you have a hyper vigalent super charming to the public (and nasty at home) child... that everyone thinks you are crazy to ever complain about. Just saying.... this is not from a book... it is my experience... a year and 3 months later... I have "normal" 6 year old behaviors... with episodes of testing for control. She just needs to know who is the boss... and then she goes back to being a sweet little girl who is polite, sleeps well and laughs LOUD!! :) 4. What are the orphanages like in Bulgaria? How are the children treated? What do the children know about the coming adoption? *Clean but old, they don't use lights during the day (to save money), my daughter's was very much like a hospital. Depends on the child referred, SN kids you have a ton of info.... healthy kids not quite so much. But you see what they can do and when they hit milestones. But understand, once labeled Special Needs, then they are forever SNs... even if the issue corrects itself, i.e. some heart issues, kidney issues, cleft lip, etc. 5. What happened on your referral trip? Was there a translator? A doctor? A social worker? What was that experience like? **It is per orphanage, I met with my daughter's doctors several times. The translator was with me most of the time due to my child's age. I have heard that people adopting children that are older have a translator with them most of the time whereas some parents perfer to not have that interaction as much because there can be confusion from child to translator to parent.... interpersonal relationship. My daughter told me (once speaking fluent English) that she was confused at first because she thought the translator was mom... she said she knew not long after, but the first moments were difficult. The bonus question is this- what is something you really wish someone had told you? To read "The Connected Child", make notecards from it and post them throughout the house to a. remind you that your child is adopted and not EXPECT them to behave like a "normal" kid... they have not had "normal" life experiences, b. give you tips and tricks to de-escalate situations. Yvonne

Thank you for all the info! I'm just about finished with my home study and I'm currently working on my dossier for Bulgaria. Every little piece of information helps. Janah Single mom as well. :cheer: