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Neither of my son's bparents are on Facebook--at least not where I could find them, but an uncle is, and I hoped he might be a source for a photo of biomom or dad. We have one photo of each parent, but they aren't great and I'd love to have better ones.
I set up an account to contact him with, and loaded it up with photos of my son. I sent uncle a message saying I didn't mean to intrude, wouldn't post anything to his page or anything, but if he/his family wanted to see photos of R he could friend that page. Or, he could email me at the email address connected to that account.
I have heard nothing back, and it's been a month. His FB wall is visible, and it looks like I drove him clean off Facebook--he hasn't posted since the day I messaged him.
I'm frustrated. I know this man is in no way obligated to give me photos or the time of day, but I guess I would feel better if he'd at least friend the page to see the photos of his nephew.
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It could also mean that he hasn't looked at his FB from even before you posted them. I know lots of people who only look at their facebook account once in a blue moon. Did he have lots of entries on his wall and then suddenly stopped or does his wall consist mainly of just the basic "adding new friends"? Also, are your pictures on your FB account set only for friends to see or for anyone? He might find he can see them without friending you.
It is frustrating though trying to work out if anyone has got your message or not. I messaged a new cousin 2 weeks ago and he has only just got back to me but I don't think he looks too often.
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Thanks, Caths. He was posting on his wall pretty regularly--two or three times a week, so it seems unlikely that he'd just skip a month right on the day I messaged him, but anything in possible. He often posts and responds to posts from his iPhone, so even if he hadn't been near a computer, he'd probably have gotten my message.
The account I set up is private. He can't see the photos without friending me--although I told him in the message I'd also be happy to send them via email. I'm not trying to use the photos as leverage, I just don't want them to be public for the usual Facebook reasons.
I guess I thought since it was his brother's child and not his, he wouldn't feel "hunted down", and would either just say "Sorry, not interested" or "Thanks". I just didn't anticipate no response at all:(
Did he know his brother had a child before you messaged him?
I know on the father's family side it is a lot easier for people to be completely unaware a child exists - especially if contact between the bd and bmom ended before birth. We didn't know about my nephew K until he was 13 months old! :(
If that is the case, maybe the info stirred up some family drama that has kept him busy.
Just a thought ...
GalFriday, love your avatar photo!
I just assumed the uncle knew because biograndpa knew and came to court, said he wanted custody, etc., so it didn't seem like a family secret. But you're right, I could have caught him off guard.
And, in my first message I asked if he was the John X. who is the brother of Bob X who had a son with Sue Y, so he also had the option of saying "Nope, wrong John X., sorry". Even though he looks just like biodad and has biodad's brother's name so I'm sure he's the brother, if he had said "Wrong John" I would have let it go at that.
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Scrapmonkey, yes, that's what I think, actually. I don't know why I was surprised, really. I guess I thought he would at least message or email to say "No thanks, I don't care" or something.
Oh well...
MrsCCQ, he was posting regularly up until the day I messaged him. It is entirely possible that right after his last post he lost his iPhone and his blackberry (or his service) and that he has no computer access at home or at work. I guess time will tell. I can't believe anyone would abandon their FB page because of my messaging him, so maybe that's the more realistic explanation...
Now, on to other strategies for getting photos...
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