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I'd say this is a pretty unique way, not a good way, of finding out
Before I found out, I had asked my parents several times over the years why I looked so different from them and my brother (impossible for anyone to say we were brothers are the same age) and sister, but they didn't say much and I never pursued the subject.
Well, around age 14, I found an old daily diary of my older sister so my younger brother and we read through it and got several chuckles. She kept on talking about Kyle, my younger brother, like he was a little angel, and she kept talking about me like I was a devil. (We had never gotten along) Well, eventually, I came to a passage where my she said that she hated me and wish 'we had never adopted him.'
This was a terrible way to find out, as my parents were gone, and my brother hadn't known about it, so he didn't even believe it, and anyone else who could have helped me out was away, so when I found out there was nobody to talk to for several hours. I feel that finding out this way really ruined my relationship with my sister.
Five years later I have moved from feeling embarrassed about it, and am just now beginning to accept it and am finally able to talk openly about it.
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Rammed,
Welcome to the forums. It's really sad to believe that only 20 years ago someone obviously told your parents that it was okay not to tell you.
Being adopted isn't something to be ashamed of and am glad you have come to that conclusion too, although I can completely understand how you could feel that way if it was such a big dark secret. I am sorry they did not realize the damage finding out that way would cause.
How is your relationship with your parents now? Your brother? Have the told you anything about why or who your birth family is?
Kind regards,
Dickons
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Dickons
Rammed,
Welcome to the forums. It's really sad to believe that only 20 years ago someone obviously told your parents that it was okay not to tell you.
Being adopted isn't something to be ashamed of and am glad you have come to that conclusion too, although I can completely understand how you could feel that way if it was such a big dark secret. I am sorry they did not realize the damage finding out that way would cause.
How is your relationship with your parents now? Your brother? Have the told you anything about why or who your birth family is?
Kind regards,
Dickons
I have a great relationship with my family atm. I don't blame them for finding out that way, since we just came upon the diary in a random box in our basement, they didn't even know it existed. They say that they planned on telling me when I started asking lots of questions.
My dad is my biological mother's uncle. So they know her, but haven't seen her since I was a kid. Last time she saw me was during a wedding. But she was so distraught, she cried they whole time. They have never met my dad but they tell me that he was an ******* during the adoption process. Also, my biological parents were teenagers when I was born which is why they I was adopted. I met my grandparents a few weeks ago, and I think I'm meeting my mother in about 1 week.
i also plan on meeting my biological father as soon as I can, but I'm not sure if it is a good idea to mention him around my mother on the first meeting.
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Ramned,
I'm glad your relationship wasn't harmed. I would guess you are kind of nervous to meet your mother. If yes, it is completely normal. Quite likely at the wedding she was in a lot of pain over seeing you for a lot of different reasons but nothing you did.
Remember to take a camera and have a few general questions if the conversation feels awkward - like what is your favorite food, what TV shows things like that will ease any tension. I would probably see how it goes before asking about your father - time sometimes heals a lot of wounds sometimes makes them worse so plan on going with your gut.
Take care,
Dickons
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