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My son and I were reunited after 24 years a couple of weeks ago. It was so great. My oldest daughter 21 came with me out of town for support. Later that night the both agreed to meet and hit it off great. My youngest daughter 17 was out of town on a trip so I did not let her know about the meeting until a couple of days ago. I just wanted to find the right time. She already knew I had him at 16 she just did not know we had made contact. When I told her she was like WOW and that was really about it. I told her I had pictures if she ever wanted to see them and I did not push it after that. Three days later I asked her was she okay and then she let me have it. Telling me she thought it was dumb that him and I are talking and what kind of bond could I have with him. I think she is jealous and I get that, but I told her although she does not understand I will continue to have a relationship with him.
Now my happiness about him has turned into saddness about her. I am a good Mother and take pride it in. She leaves for college in 7 months and says I am replacing her, so not true.
What do I do ?
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I was 16 when my mom reunited with my sister (who until that point I didnt know existed) and honestly, I felt alot of the same feelings that your daughter is expressing. Remember - those feelings are NOT what she will feel when she is an adult, but they are pretty real when you are a teenager and oh so egocentric. For me, I felt like I had been lied to. She is probably feeling somewhat betrayed that she wasnt included in the initial excitement, and that betrayal is threatening. I also worried deep down that if my mom could walk away from her baby - would she walk away from me. I could never express that to her, and I understood the reasons why my sister had been placed for adoption, but still that FEAR was there. In some ways I think I pushed to see if she would leave me too.Mostly - what I wanted to hear and know was that I was "special" - that my mom felt a stronger bond with me because she raised me, that my place in her life and in her heart wasnt replaceable. I wasnt thinking like a mom (I totally understand now) - I was thinking like a teenager who still needed her mom, who was preparing for leaving home and felt like my mom was focused on the "NEW KID" who happened to be an adult. :) I would just suggest that you keep reassuring her of your place in her life, and HER place in yours. That your memories with her and incredibly precious, that you are her ONLY mom, and your son has another family too. EtcAlso, remember, you are in the honeymoon phase of reunion. That will pass, end and change. Don't alienate those close to you during that period of time. My mom was obsessed with my sister calling her "mom" ... in the end she wasnt my sister's mom, she was her mother. There relationship was different - is different - and that took time for everyone to figure out.
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Onevoicecan
WOW ! You hit the nail on the head. She probably is scared I will leave her. I never thought of it that way. I will try to keep both me feet on the ground. You really helped me. God Bless