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I didn't find this forum until today but yesterday was my daughter's birthmother's birthday and I have started a tradition of lighting a candle in the window for her on that day. My daughter is two and she doesn't get it yet. We live in a country that has only very closed adoption but we know a fair amount about our child's birthmother. She was 22 and had three other children, who she "takes good care of" according to the social workers. She doesn't touch alcohol, drugs or even cigarettes. She was very responsible in that when she decided to have her child be adopted she went to significant lengths to make sure the baby wouldn't sit in the limbo of an orphanage for very long, which would have been typical in this country. We love her and are so grateful for all she did for our child and still don't understand all of why she couldn't keep her, except we were told she lived in one room with all her children and had no real income or extended family support.
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