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Hi All,
I have been feeling some really bad feelings. I was active in my daughter being adopted 20 years ago. We found a couple and signed the papers . Having spent the first three days with her in the hospital , I felt a real bond . The emptiness that was felt watching the b parents limo leave the hospital with our daughter is beyond words. Few days if any passed in the next 18 years without thoughts of her. We received some pics and one letter from the a parents within the open first 5 years. Then a long long silence for 13 years. Upon the 18th b day I did a DOB driver license search in the state that the a parents mentioned in the hospital conversation and viola. After 18 years I had a first and last name!
Facebook search yielded my b daughter and we friended each other. I messages her and sent letters and gifts. I sent my address and numbers but she hasn't called or written.
i found out her a father died when she was 8. I had no way of knowing this. I felt horrible because of the abandonment she must feel.
Now I feel abandoned because she is no longer at her address or on facebook.
I do have the a mothers name and address.
I don't know what to do
I have not contacted the a mother
I resent the a mother for not letting me know about the death and not rplying to my b day cards and letters for 13 years
I just feel bad.
Mike
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Mike, I wish i could help. The feelings of grief, loss, and abandonment are often the basis for everyone associated with adoption.For non adoptees, but touched by adoption, there is no escape. They too will share in many deep emotional experiences.As adoptees we don't know how or when our deep emotional experiences began. All we are sure of is that those deep feelings are a part of our story.You are not an adoptee, but still coupled to many of the same deep experiences.Regardless of which part of the adoption triad you find yourself, the feelings you have are often unrelenting -- not unlike a shadow that never speaks.In these situations it doesn't help to review previous calls and chats in an attempt to discover what happened or brought about a change. If you knew, in some ways it might help.The good thing is that you and your daughter had an opportunity to communicate. Hopefully she understands the story of her adoption so she has heard your story as well.There can be feelings that she is unable to fully understand. Perhaps the abandonment of you is an attempt to be sure that she has not betrayed a sense of trust and love for her a-mom.She hasn't yet understood that a relationship with her b-dad does not mean she loves or cares about her a-mom any less. Additionally, there can be unknown outside influences as well. It can't hurt to have communication with a-mom. Perhaps a letter again indicating your thoughts and concerns for your daughter and the love you have for her. Hopefully, a-mom will share it and it may make the difference in your daughters feelings so she will be open again to communication.I wish you the best.