Trying to understand the anger of birthmoms

I am still confused. I was not trying to tell you how to feel. I was asking you IF and WHY you felt a certain way? That's very different in my opinion.

I agree with that. Thanks.

???? to the above reply.

[quote=WannaKnowMore]Hi... There seem to be some birthmothers/first mothers/natural mothers (not sure of the right term) who had put their babies up for adoption in the past. It seems like the women who are the most upset did so 10, 20, 30 or more years ago. These are my questions. They are very honest question. I am not trying to be rude. I really want to try to understand. I will explain later at some point. Why is there so much anger NOW years later?... quote] Perhaps I would have heard you differently had you started the question portion: If you are a birth mom who has experienced this anger.... I think you are asking questions that I would be willing to answer, although I'm not sure I'm interested in answering them in a public forum. As others have tried to tell you, being a birthmom often feels like being arrested when the policeman says. "Anything you say can and will be used against you." Whether or not that's an accurate perception, that's how some birthmothers experience these discussions.

"Anything you say can and will be used against you." Lol, I second that emotion

This was my whole post. I said "Poor" in sympathy with you for the fact that you are getting very little in this thread that would actually be useful for an original article. You are getting a very quick ramp-up in triad and discussion dynamics, though, lol. Anyway, that is why I suggested the other approach. Good luck.

I am not an older birthmother, but I am pregnant and sorting out an adoption plan. In my personal view, I completely understand mixed emotions on the part of the birthmother. Giving up a child for adoption is not an easy thing to do, it is a decision wrought with a massive amount of pain. No one wants to give up a child for adoption, it's more of being in a position where you feel as though you have little choice, and you are trying to do what is best for the child and not yourself. I don't know is "anger" is the right word to use. I would say that birthmothers feel pain, and maybe it manifests in something that you think is anger. Personally, of course I want to keep my baby. But, after a lot of thought I know that raising a child as a single mother in poverty isn't as good of a life as I want for my child, I want my child to have all the opportunities available. It's not about not wanting to keep your child. Pain changes and evolves over the years. Many birthmothers are very young when they give up their baby, and with age and wisdom they see the decision in a different light. I know that you are asking this question honestly, but to be frank it comes across kind of naive and offensive. Birthmothers already deal with judgement from themselves and all the people around them, so I would advise you not to assume that birthmothers are "angry" or that they didn't know what they were getting into. You haven't been in the position, there is no way that you can understand. Additionally, when a birthmother initially chooses adoption, she can guess what kind of feelings she is going to have but there is no way in the world that she can anticipate how it will affect her. Pain is ABSOLUTELY legitimate, so please do not act as though birthmothers are foolish people who made a mistake and didn't "grasp" the finality of the decision.

why should birthmothers have anger besides the anger at themselves? they are the ones who let child(ren) slip out of their hands for irresponsible reasons

Well isn't that a fun statement for a Monday morning! This really struck me with the giggles. Thanks! And welcome to the forums.

Welcome TROLL! Nice to see you out from under your bridge. I just love generalized, judgmental statements based on no facts whatsoever. Just because that statement may fit YOU doesn't mean that it applies to anyone else. Don't you know that you are supposed to only make "I" statements here and not speak for the group?? Time to go back under your bridge now .... there you go.

How can you have giggles when you are supposed to be angry? C'mon now Paige...give yourself a stern lecture!;) (I admit I like a good ban on Mondays...:evilgrin: )

Hi all, Nice work on the banning, Crick! That's very satisfying. To WannaKnowMore - the bann-ee actually paraphrases what I heard when I was reading your first post. Rapid fire questions with little context is easy to mistake for an outright assault. Are you still looking for information?

I'm also wondering whether the OP is monitoring this thread.

Dan Rather did a report that showed back then birth mothers were NOT told of their options like they are now. They were lied to, treated horribly, the parents of these women were told their daughters would be well cared for and they weren't. This was through Catholic Charities. Because of religion, they felt God would watch over them. However, that wasn't true. Nuns would drop these women off at hospitals to deliver their babies alone in hall ways and called names by nurses. Then the nuns would come back and take the babies and most of these birth mothers were drugged and made to sign over their rights! The reason you are not hearing from these mothers is because there is an international law suit filed by birth mothers in muiltiple countries against Catholoic Charities including the US. Birth mothers now have rights that are enforced unlike back then when birth mothers weren't told they have 6 MONTHS to change their minds. Their children were kidnapped from them. Alot of children were born in different states from where the birth mothers lived. How would you feel?

To the OP. There are plenty of blogs in which natural mothers explain all of their anger. Forums not so much. Try searching blogs and you will get opinions from natural mothers who feel safe to voice their opinions as they can moderate any replies.