Emotional roller-coaster, anyone?

I'm sooooo glad to hear someone else be open and honest to show this struggle. I JUST posted a similiar question in the main forum, and was so nervous... :D THANKS! and I'm thankful for the kind responses you got. Im hoping its normal, cuz this is SOOO where I am. I get so excited about the idea of meeting our kids, and wonder about the smallest and silliest of things... I can't wait to see so much about them. And then, there's times I wonder and worry if I'm ready for this. And so many other lil fears and wonders... It's not that I doubt that God is calling us to this, at all... I guess I just see the size of the mountain He's calling us to, at times, and not the hand that's leading. I know in my head and my heart what the right answer is... and I really AM excited about our journey... but then there's the times I feel so afraid of wanting this so bad and it being taken away... or something.... It reminds me of when I was in college, and the reoccuring dream of someone tapping me on the shoulder, in the line to graduate, and saying that I don't really get to graduate due to some error. :D Maybe I'm holding too tightly to my dream

The struggle isn't easy...DH and I have chosen to preliminary start with another agency...waiting to see if we can get our old homestudy or not (from first agency) so we can update it and move forward. I have to say after first agency...am really not sure if we can't get our old homestudy if I will want to continue on this path or not. To think of having to re-do it all seems exhausting! DH and I have always thought of International adoption and may go that route...but at this point...we feel like God is in control and IF and WHEN we have more kids NEEDS to be entirely in his hands. I think at this point of my life...I am ok with whatever happens...I can honestly say that 2 years back I SO wanted this..now I am letting go and letting God...there are many times I was so eager to climb that HUGE mountain...was raring to go..now years later..I look at the climb and think..Yes I could make it..but do I want to now? I have a lot of doubt if I really want to do it now...so much time has passed and I am older....and have come more to accept that the 2 miracles kids I have may be it for us....I can say this...I feel so blessed to have the gorgeous boys I have!!! But for you....hold on to your dreams....and yes we all have similar fears and worries...but trusting God is so key! God Bless and Good Luck!

We were SOOOO there... we almost at the end of liscensing with agency number 1... when the door closed, it slammed hard - and my fingers were in teh way. It HURT. Sure, in hindsight I can see how God used it... and actually even in the pain, I knew He was there. It took us a while to get the courage to start another agency, and I was so scared, and I have to admit there's times when I still am scared of it going wrong again. But ya know, as soon as we contacted our new agency, they were amazing... and actually excited to have us. I don't think our time spent was time lost, cuz during the time we learned so much about ourselves and our relationship... God's used the time. im soooo glad that you've found contentment in where you are, and I agree, I hope GOD leads you to where you're sposed to be and you have a peace about it

i think that THIS roller coaster is actually WORSE than infertility...at least with that process it's typically two week blocks of prepare/waiting... we've been a waiting family for about 2 months now and NO word from our SW...we know he's busy 'publishing' our legal profile for the courts, and we know that our 'prospective parent' file has been shown twice... i know that this could go on for MONTHS at least, and with fertility you get some definite answers each month. oh well, I agree that God gives you peace. I found one day i woke up and the resentment of infertility was GONE, replaced with the joy and expectations of adopting... peace and good wishes to all! our babies are out there!

For me the infertility thing for the years DH and ttc was hard, but I agree at least each month, something "could" be happening...but with adoption there is no end in sight it seems...it took us 3 years and then giving up to FINALLY get pregnant...with adoption..."I" thought of the idea over a decade ago, then FINALLY got DH on board and began the process a few years back with no success..now we re-begin with a new agency...but seriously....I am doubtful we will ever get to the point that we "actually" adopt. That's not to say that my optimism and hopeful side doesn't kick in from time to time...but geez....at times its like this ride has got to come to an end, eventually right? What I hold onto today and held onto before I gave birth to the 2 miracle boys I do have..is that in my life I know God has a plan and whatever that plan is, will happen in his time frame. I know I can always trust that his will is better then mine and hopeful about adoption is where I will stay till he tells me its a NO.....but yes so agree....rollercoasters are fun till seemingly they don't end...then it just becomes exhausting! But everything is in God's hand and honestly I wouldn't want it any other way....as MY way always is SO wrong! I know God is my rock and when he does something its right from the very beginning and unbreakable in anyway, and that is the day I wait for...

Hi there, We are just starting the process of international adoption. We're one month into it, have engaged our home study agency and plan to engage our placing agency next week. Your writing sounds like my night time thoughts. How are you doing now? several months later? God bless you. I hope your heart has found peace and things are progressing smoothly!

Hi, everybody, thanks for all the responses!We're still on the "rollercoaster"... We hooked up with a placement agency the latter part of May, and have had our profile shown about 7 times now. (Actually, we're currently waiting on the outcome of the last two). I still have questions, obviously, but most days am more OK with the wait and the wondering. I didn't say I don't cry at times :), but it's not as hard as during the homestudy when you weren't SURE that you would someday be parents. By the way, we're with A Baby Step Adoption. We've been highly pleased so far. They're pretty expensive, but they're so quick, and that's worth something. Too, with the government tax refund, it sure helps. How's everybody else doing???

Nothing has changed here for us. Our new agency we began with still hasn't moved us any closer to finding our forever child. We still wait in limbo to get our required classes in for the year....though surprisingly we did get our old homestudy from our first agency switched over to this other agency. So that was good news. This new agency is nice but so SO slow....so we are not sure we will continue down the path of foster/adopt. IN the meantime, We are waiting to see if we can refinance our home and take out some equity this fall to see if its possible to go with International Adoption...something we have wanted to do for awhile. We have decided that if we can find the money to afford it...we likely will move in that direction. If we can't find a way to go that route..then our path is either, continue with foster/adopt or ttc one more time if we still feel the desire to have another child. At this point, DH and I are going on too long....my boys will be 15 and 13 this October and DH is 42 and I am 39...I think for both of us with our boys being teens and both of going to be in our 40's next year....I feel like that's our cut off for us. DH and I believe today that much as we want what we want, that God knows best what is right for us and will lead us. DH and I also have been looking at homes to downsize too should the whole adding another child to our family NOT work out. With our boys being older and no younger kids behind them so far to date, the idea of a smaller home sounds suddenly appealing as we are on the go all the time. Hope all works out for us all soon...one way or another. God Bless!

(((hugs))) Will be praying for you as you wait and move forward all at the same time. It's so hard to wait on the Lord at times, but what makes it easier is knowing that whatever He has for us is best - even with all the pain.

Waiting is hard, but in the end, irregardless of the outcome, God always knows best and its so easy to doubt his plan, but still....eventually when that plan is revealed..it all makes sense....I so have experienced that too many times in my life. Really, praying truly is the only way to find peace among the uncertainty.....so let us all pray for each other! :wings:

I know exactly what you're going through. We are at the end of our home study and are getting ready to start the dossier, but we have great ups and downs all the time. There are moments of doubt where we wonder what we're doing (especially when I read books on the attachment, emotional, psychological, and other issues facing children from orphanages). Before we started our home study, I worried we wouldn't get approved, but when our home study coordinator came to our house she was wonderful and put us at ease. She let us know she was there to help us adopt. The whole process for us is something we have to daily put in God's hands or this adoption won't go through. I've been blogging about all of our struggles so far at: [url=http://snapshotsfromourjourney.blogspot.com/]Snapshots From Our Journey[/url] We'll be praying for you and your husband.

I hear you! We are adopting from foster care, and it is definitely a roller coaster! Expect a ton of emotions...because even beyond dealing with the foster system...we have had other stuff. For example...now that it is really happening, I find myself scared to death and having to remind myself that God is BIG enough to help us parent well...to touch these children through us, in spite of our flaws...adoption is a very unique experience! Hang in there...it is worth the wait! Just do what God calls you to do...walk through opened doors. It will come! And, there is a child(or children) that are meant to be *yours* out there...this is a calling...He does not call folks for nothing!

Good Luck to all of you out there that are still trying or are in process of adopting...my DH and I tried to adopt through foster care and realized for us, it wasn't going to happen...so we are in the process of finishing up our homestudy for International Adoption...we are adopting from China. It has been a long road for us, but God definitely has a sense of humor as the idea that "our" child was on the OTHER side of the world...has us shocked, and laughing at the same time...who would have thought that...I sure wouldn't have!!! LOL Trusting God to lead us has been a challenge....but we believe he is FINALLY leading us down the right road to finding our daughter...and that is super exciting, scary...but in the end it will all be worth it!

I have those same fears. Half the time I can't even name the emotions I am feeling -- I am just "emotional." lol It is nice to find this group where people understand.

The entire adoption process is a roller-coaster of emotions and they don't end once you have the child, either. I have written about the entire process we went through from the moment we decided to adopt to our child just celebrating being part of our family for one year. Elliott [url=http://snapshotsfromourjourney.blogspot.com/]Snapshots From Our Journey[/url]