MAPP classes/need something positive

I understand how you feel. It can be a rough road and they do try to prepare you for the worst. On the other hand, we are in the process of adopting our second child from foster care and could not be happier! We are building a beautiful family and I am confident you will also. Perhaps this is not as detailed as the terrible stories you have heard, but I know what it feels like to need someone to say it can (and likely will) work out just right (especially when the people around you are telling you otherwise). Regarding explaining it to your daughter, there are wiser people than me on this board to give you that advice. Our son (3 yrs old) does not understand why his new baby sister has these transition visits (we are fost-adopt) and cannot just come home to stay immediately. Maybe I can get some advice as to how to explain it to him too. I wish your family well and keep us updated when you get a placement.

Foster care always starts with a tragedy and doesn't often end with fairy tale endings. There is great joy in the middle - and it is often hard earned. My son arrived at 11 months. and we adopted him at 2. His first months weren't great - (four homeless shelters, substance abuce & domestic violence). But today he is a healthy, smart, funny, charming, loving thriving 5 year old. We have an open adoption with his birth mom and visit with her twice per year. I also have a two year old foster daughter. She arrived at 8 months in horrific physical condition. She was starved and only 12.8 lbs at 8 months with huge bonding/attachment issues. 20 months (and a lot of hard work) later, she is a happy, healthy, thriving, funny little girl who is starting to tell jokes. Her latest: "Knock knock . . . who's there? . . . Pizza Man!" She thinks that's hysterical. Every foster care case starts in tragedy. Every foster care case is full of hard work and struggle - for the parents, for the kids, and for the foster parents. The joy is in the recovery and the resilience of children. They can survive, they can recover, they can thrive. You can make a difference. Not without having your heart broken a million times, and not without experiencing great joy. Good luck on your journey.

Thanks for the encouragement. We know this is going to be challenging, but at times it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for sharing a little of your light. I will start a separate thread for helping young children understand what is going on.

C.A. hit the nail on the head. Even in sucessful F2A situations (which i consider mine to be), there's no fairy tale ending, no light at the end of the tunnel. We have joy and happiness, but its tinged with sadness and loss. We are 6 months post finalization, and almost 2 years into the journey. The sting has faded, but there's still an ache. For DD, for her mom, for her brother, for everyone touched by this individual experience. Not saying we don't have periods of being a "normal family".. we're that way most of the time. But when she struggles with math, I think about FAS which brings up her prior life. When she shows me a new gymnastics move with pride, I have a flash of her BM telling her she's doing it wrong When she complains about her hair getting brushed, I'm reminded of her trying to please BM by sitting still as her hair was getting pulled hard When she askes for little debbie snack foods or cups of mac-n-cheee-franks (even though we have the "good stuff" at home), I'm reminded of her prior diets. When she is less than enthused at the mention of a pending visit with other mom or the suggested for writing her a letter, I'm torn. When she soars in gymnastics.. I'm reminded of her other mom's athlete genes When she brings writing assignment from school, i see anything from "I wish my brother was niser" (bio half brother, who we attempt to have an ongoing relationship with) or "my favorite gift was was my dad gave me a mp3 player at my adopshun". I'm still "W" when she needs something. Though she calls me mommy more and more often. I'm anxious as to whats going to happen when she does that in front of her other mom. Does that make sense? there' no "end". At least thus far

There's a lot of joy in the process, but the others are correct, it's good to be prepared for some pain, too. Our kids are funny and sweet, and nothing like the horror stories you hear in the prep classes. However, I'm thankful for those classes because they allow me to understand the problems that do arise, and to be a better parent to these kids.We do not have to deal with severe RAD, or kids that never show love, and we've never had to deal with bio parents because these kids were already through TPR years before we got them. We do have a lot of testing boundaries, and lots of talk about adults who used to be involved in their lives. Some good, some bad.

I want to adopt and foster adoption is my first choice at the moment. However, the stories I have heard all sound horrible. Dealing with the biological families sounds stressful and dangerous for the children. I also have two children already. I do not want to bring child into their lives who could harm them or maybe monopolize the families attention to the point where the children I already have are not having their needs met. Please understand I want more than anything to provide a wonderful life for a child who might otherwise have nothing but from the stories I have come across so far all there seems to be is heartbreak.

MAPP classes can be brutal!!! Sometimes it felt like all we heard about in our class was kids pooping in your shoes while you slept! Our daughter came home to us at age 9. It's been almsot a year. She has never popped in a shoe. She is a joy! We are so smitten. But it is HARD. My blog is in my signature. I write a lot about day to day stuff.

The only thing you can do, in my opinion and experience is to be very very honest in age appropriate ways. We have had to go through this and it was not easy. We had a FD in our home for 14 months. There was no warning when she left. Our daughter was 2-1/2 at the time and she kept looking for her. We were all very sad to see FD go so quickly. We were not prepared emotionally. It is truly amazing how much my daughter remembers of this FD. It has been almost 4 years since this little one left our house and my daughter still asked how come she doesn't live with us and how come we cannot go over and play with her. I tell her the same thing that I told her back when she left. She was only suppose to stay with us a little while, until her family could care for her again. Her family is taking care of her now and they are living their lives. (I still haven't come up with an answer for her on why we cannot go over and play with her). Sad to say, FD leaving our home they way she did.... we needed time alone away from the agency and FC to get back on track. That placement changed everything for us. We will never forget her. We talk of her often and hope for the best for her.... we still miss her terribly. Always be honest with your family and if it becomes to much to handle (emotionally)... take a break!

Can anyone tell me how to find the class schedule for the MAPP classes in Oklahoma. Preferably Tulsa. I have been on the phone with DSHS and they act like they have no idea what I am talking about or hang up on me and looked on the internet. Thank you for the help.