RAD and sibling groups?

Speaking as the spouse of a 'separated sibling', I'm not sure. I'm willing to be persuaded to either side of the fence, since I believe it hugely depends on each individual case.Dh was placed into foster care with one sib, separated from four others at that point. Then a few years later he was separated from that one sib. I think that the first division from his bio family was traumatic, and I know that the division from his closest sib was almost devastating. He has issues to this day, and he's in his 50's now. I think, though, that he's done very well. He truly loved his permanent foster family. That's good. He did learn to 'attach'. However.There's "attached" and there's "attached". I think that many times we tell ourselves things like, "Kids are resilient!" or, "They are healed and attached now", or other things. All of these statements may be true, but the damage and the scars are still there. The hurt is still there. The ability to express love, to not fear 'risking' love and affection, is all impaired. The level of impairment varies, and I think in some ways 'healing from attachment disorder' is a life-long process, and there is a spectrum of healing.My Dh loves me. I know this. He's committed to the covenant of our marriage. This does not mean that he finds it easy to share space, to give hugs, to do many of those reciprocal things that most married couples take for granted. Like telling me he's leaving and saying goodbye. Our newlywed years were tough!! I'd start looking around the house, find the car and Dh gone. He'd not even said a word. Being the sweet person that I am, I pitched a :hissy: a few times and told him he HAD to tell me when he was leaving. I made him kiss me goodbye. He humored me. LOL Now he does lots better with those things. BUT. We're still working through a lot of things. :D