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Hello all,
This is my first post.
I was born 42 years ago and immediately put up for adoption by my birthmother. I was the result of an affair that she had with a married man.
I have met my birthmother and her family and they are fantastic!!!
I have also met my birthfather and his wife once 3 years ago. He is still married to the same woman on whom he had an affair. The reunion made me very hopeful about continuing to develop our relationship. He already had 2 children who are approx 1-3 years older than me when I was born. He also has a daughter who is approx 1 year younger than me. I knew this information before we met but he did talk about them and show me pictures of them. He actually said that his younger daughter and I could be twins. WOW! However, none of his children, my half siblings, know about me. He and his family are from the western US and I live in Massachusetts.
Interestingly, his oldest daughter came to Massachusetts to go to school in the same town that I work and attended the same church that I do. She had long since moved away before I started going to the church. Some of the members actually knew her and speak very highly of her. When I wrote my bfather about the common connection between his daughter and me, it apparently threatened his wife and she said that I was not trustworthy. I am aware that they are concerned that their daughter will find out about me. I have found this half-sister via FaceBook but have made no attempts at any contact.
I've had no contact with him since then, almost 2 years ago.
I'm curious about my half-siblings. From the little I know about them, it sounds like we have a lot in common.
My dilemna is whether or not to contact my half-siblings, specifically knowing that he does not want to upset his current family situation. I also do not want to do this but there is still something very compelling about meeting my half siblings.
I feel that this is a moral dilemna balancing my desire/need vs the potential havoc I might cause.
Please share any advice, experience, and thoughts!
Bumper
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I am in a very similar situation that I just posted about. I have 3 half brothers (biofather's children). I met them about 20 years ago when they were very young children (all under 10 yrs) and have had no contact with anyone since. They do not know about me and I am sure my biofather would like to keep it that way although I aqm not really sure. I remember their names and found them on facebook. They are all now in their 20's (I am 36). I would like to contact them, more for me. I am an only child now with 2 children of my own. I have an amazing adopted family but recently (past 5 or so years) hve had a yearning to reach out to siblings, not so much my bioparents. I question if I should upset their lives by spilling what I am not sure is my secret to tell. I somehow do not think I should be the one to spill the secret ... so there is my question.
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I think you probably have a 50/50 chance of how it'll go, whether or not they'll want contact. I contacted my birthmother's daughter, and at that point she knew nothing about me, but welcomed the contact (she flaked out later, but that's another story). This summer I was found by my sister on my birthfather's side, also given up as an infant. She and I have separately contacted our birthfather and his three sons at different times. I received no response from any of the "boys." My sister received a response from one of them that he just didn't want to get in the middle of things, and couldn't handle it right now.I guess the way I look at it is that you have nothing to lose. You don't have a relationship with them now, so the worst that could happen is that you still don't have one. One the positive side, you could end up lucky like I did with my sister (on bfather side), and find a best friend.Wishing you both good luck!
I mailed a letter today to biodad asking for updated medical info. It has been 18 years (I am 36) since i last spoke with him. I left it very informal and did send a pix of my kiddos just so he could see them. I am hoping he will give me a call just to do a quick update of med. history (or e-mail - I gave both) I will then broach the subject of contact with halfbrothers. We shall see
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Since my sister and I are less than 8 mos. apart I strongly suspect we have at least one more sibling other there (aside from the 3 he has w/his wife). Since he won't talk to us, the only way we'll ever know is if we have info. in the registries and they find us. Although, I'm thinking of writing to him again at the end of the summer, which will be about a year since we last wrote to him, and ask again if there's anyone else. I certainly don't want any contact/relationship with him otherwise.