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My wife and I transracially adopted twin boys who are now 15 weeks old. The baby furniture arrived today so now we're finishing up the wall decorations. We picked some very cute animal prints from etsy but are having a discussion about one other painting. My wife's grandmother (after whom on of our boys is named) painted a painting of a little caucasian boy fishing. The painting is obviously innocuous enough, but we are torn on whether to hang it up. It carries sentimental value for my wife, but I do not know if it is appropriate for our full AA sons. Does anyone have any thoughts? Thanks in advance.
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Nevada Jen
Is she still alive? If so, I bet she would be honored to change the skin color to brown. If not, I personally would not hang it in the boys' room. I want my black son to grow up with images of black boys as normal. It reminds me of his uniform shirts in private school which had a white boy kneeling in front of a cross. It totally rubbed me the wrong way to be required to put my child in a shirt everyday that showed a white kid being pious. Rather than make a huge deal about the shirts with the school, I colored in their faces with brown markers on every shirt and encouraged a couple of other moms to do the same.
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ladyjubilee
I fostered an AA child age 3. We were gathering some girl toys for a charity and I was picking and basically rejecting some dolls to find AA and other ethnic group dolls. He partially caught on to what I was doing and asked why. I told him that I wanted kids to be able to play with dolls that looked like they do. He gave me a look and said, 'J__, that's weird, they're DOLLS!". He had a point, no kid looks like a doll...no kid looks like a painting. Having a diversity of images is great, but sometimes I think as adults we miss the point when it comes to developing self esteem and honoring heritage.
I think it is appropriate to hang the picture. It is something that someone in their family painted, that means something too! Besides just pictures of animals, can you also find another picture that has AA children to also hang in their room? I don't think you need to eliminate one race to show you honor another. They are in a multi-racial home, so as long as you promote their race as well I don't think you are doing anything wrong.
I think that if this is the only human image that is going to hang in the boys' room, then it is probably not a good idea. Then it sends the message that this is the "standard" of what a boy should look like. However, I think that if this important family heirloom is one of multiple images of people of various different races, including AA children, (and adults, for that matter) then I think it is a wonderful additition to the room. With all due respect to those who suggested changing the color of the skin of the child in the picture, I have to say that I really have a problem with that. Perhaps this is a painting of a real child, who the artist knew. Perhaps it is a memory, or a re-imagining. I think that even if she were alive, it would be too much to ask to change a piece of art. Art is too important, and too personal. I have a black and white sketch of me as an infant, that my father drew, and it is hanging in my daughter's room. Even though there is no indication of skin color in the sketch, I think it clearly have cc features, as i imagine the boy in the painting does. But the other prominant piece of art in my daughter's room is a marvelous tapestry, hand made in Peru, with three dimensional people whose skin is the color of my daughter's. I also have a whimsical Mexican piece of art, full of busy people and animals and nature, that was painted on a paper-thin piece of bark. My daughter is Mayan, and the people in both the Peruvian piece and the Mexican piece share her indigenous features. The faces of the dolls lining the shelf over her bed are black and white and indigenous and asian. I say hang the picture. Then make a conscious effort to find some art that represents your son's race, and hang that as well. Maybe even connect with some local aa artists!
If you named one of your sons after your wife's grandmother, she must be a very important person to your wife and someone she will tell the boys about when they get older. My wife's parents are both deceased, and my son is told stories about them all the time! If we had a painting by one of them, we would hang it with love and pride. You can always try for balance in the artwork in your home. We have found some African American artists that we truly love - including Maurice Evans and Aaron Douglas - and have put their paintings on our walls. (Well, prints anyway! :) )So my son sees images of Black people in our home and will learn about the artists who painted them. Why not do both? I would add rather than subtract.
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I am white and I have a black son whose birthgrandmother was cuban. My grandmother was half Cherokee and half Scottish. I have alot of Native American art from various tribes, African American art as well as a print of a black man playing the sax and in big bold letters it says, "Cuba." I love Hawai'i and I have a few prints by Hawai'ian artists. I also have prints of buffalo, wolves and various african animals like giraffes and gazelles and elephants around the house. I try to celebrate all the cultures in our family. I agree with Oak. You should add to your child's art collection instead of subtract.
Our son's (AA) nursery is decorated in a theme we put together based on the It's a Small World ride at Disney World. I was very close to my grandmother, our son was named after her father (my great-grandfather) as a way to honor my grandmother (her name is definitely feminine, so we chose her father's name to connect our son to that part of his family.) We have a fiddle that was his that will one day go to our son who bears his name. One of my best memories of her was a trip to Disney where we rode that ride over and over and over. . .it was her favorite. So our nursery has all different colors of kids hanging in there. . .thanks to Etsy! I agree with the pps who said hang the picture, but also include some of AA kids (and other races/ethnicities). I think it's a wonderful way to honor this grandmother.
btw. . .my husband (who is AA) hasn't been nearly as hung up on making sure the images our son sees mirror his own skin color as I have. . .
have fun decorating!
AA mom here to 3 kids. That is a nice touch, and appropriate as a part of their family history. DH and I are mixed culturally way.. West Indian and US Black etc; We mix it up and add other stuff in. I am prone to abstract art or the impressionist stuff, the features are usually muted and or ambiguous. You asked a great and important question. We live in a predominately CC area, so I place a lot of thought in what my children see in our house too. I found 2 cute pics of a little Black girl that I hung in the hall way outside her room. Trust me the kids realize this, verbalized or not. Some kids will not articulate such either.I would mix the decor up a bit, but any art with people as the subjects, the majority subjects should look like people who represent the boys race. In general, with a tra family; their predominate decor, books, toys etc should represent the boys race. In general, not geared towards the original poster:While a Black child adopted by a White family is part of a mixed race family, building their self identity as a person whose race was/is socially marginalized, not predominant..is very important. Especially if they are one of the few or the only Black person in the family and their environment. One phrase that I heard, and agree with is, the family becomes a part of that child's race/culture too, such interaction etc; should be natural, not forced. If having the child's race based art, interaction and so on feels odd, or forced to that parent, then they should question why they adopted another race child.
If that's the only picture of a child that will be hanging in the room I wouldn't put it up. If you will be having multiple pictures then put it up. I would figure out a way to work it in since it was painted by a relative.
My kids will point out anything that resembles them so I wouldn't dismiss the impact it has on a child's self esteem. There has to be something reflecting the child if you are going the route of having images of children. While Nickchris likes to mix it up I know people who go totally for abstract so they won't have to address the issue.
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Gwen72
I am white and I have a black son whose birthgrandmother was cuban. My grandmother was half Cherokee and half Scottish. I have alot of Native American art from various tribes, African American art as well as a print of a black man playing the sax and in big bold letters it says, "Cuba." I love Hawai'i and I have a few prints by Hawai'ian artists. I also have prints of buffalo, wolves and various african animals like giraffes and gazelles and elephants around the house. I try to celebrate all the cultures in our family. I agree with Oak. You should add to your child's art collection instead of subtract.
I note quite a bit that in male female couples, it's usually up to the mother. In my house, my dh (AA) trusts me to teach the kids about our cultures etc; He will back me up on my approach or add as needs be.
theLBs
Our son's (AA) nursery is decorated in a theme we put together based on the It's a Small World ride at Disney World. I was very close to my grandmother, our son was named after her father (my great-grandfather) as a way to honor my grandmother (her name is definitely feminine, so we chose her father's name to connect our son to that part of his family.) We have a fiddle that was his that will one day go to our son who bears his name. One of my best memories of her was a trip to Disney where we rode that ride over and over and over. . .it was her favorite. So our nursery has all different colors of kids hanging in there. . .thanks to Etsy! I agree with the pps who said hang the picture, but also include some of AA kids (and other races/ethnicities). I think it's a wonderful way to honor this grandmother.btw. . .my husband (who is AA) hasn't been nearly as hung up on making sure the images our son sees mirror his own skin color as I have. . .have fun decorating!
That's true, with my kids if I could not find a brown baby or kid I went with a non person theme. In DD's room we purchased a comforter set with ballerina shoes, and matching wall art. Just the shoes. The boys have a nautical look in their bathroom. I do have the wallpaper border with the little Black ballerinas, but have not put it up as yet. I usually go for the impressionist scenes. I do like the Van Goghs ballerinas, especially this, her skin tone, and features are not far off some of our features. [URL="http://store.vangoghgallery.com/showprint.aspx?pid=57653"]Ballerina I art print at VanGoghGallery.com[/URL]With DD I am also looking for Black ballerinas prints and have a few saved to review. We changed the house decor..so now I am starting fresh. :)
Sleeplvr
If that's the only picture of a child that will be hanging in the room I wouldn't put it up. If you will be having multiple pictures then put it up. I would figure out a way to work it in since it was painted by a relative.My kids will point out anything that resembles them so I wouldn't dismiss the impact it has on a child's self esteem. There has to be something reflecting the child if you are going the route of having images of children. While Nickchris likes to mix it up I know people who go totally for abstract so they won't have to address the issue.
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nickchris
That's true, with my kids if I could not find a brown baby or kid I went with a non person theme. In DD's room we purchased a comforter set with ballerina shoes, and matching wall art. Just the shoes. The boys have a nautical look in their bathroom. I do have the wallpaper border with the little Black ballerinas, but have not put it up as yet.
I usually go for the impressionist scenes. I do like the Van Goghs ballerinas, especially this, her skin tone, and features are not far off some of our features. [URL="http://store.vangoghgallery.com/showprint.aspx?pid=57653"]Ballerina I art print at VanGoghGallery.com[/URL]
With DD I am also looking for Black ballerinas prints and have a few saved to review. We changed the house decor..so now I am starting fresh. :)