I need HOPE in OA...

I would love to hear this too! My hubby and I disagree about whether to Open the adoption. He is worried...he wants to hear from REAL people who have grown up with an OA to see what they think about it.

I will look for study that is a longitude study that fully supports open adoption. From a closed adoption perspective it has to be superior to not knowing because that sucked...although once a year visits really would not create very much of a bond...I would assume you would need to see them like you do any close relative...because that is what they should be in an open adoption. Will be back to the study. Kind regards,Dickons

The Minnesota/Texas Adoption Research Project covered 20 years in various types of adoption. The link below takes you to the starting page and then the sidebar on the right allows you to go to the About the project; Key findings; About the design. [url=http://www.cehd.umn.edu/fsos/Centers/mtarp/]Minnesota-Texas Adoption Researc[/url] Starting on about page 11 the article below delves into the results of the above study when the adoptees are adolescents. It is broken down into groups within the groups on how they felt and provides reasons for feeling that way. [URL="http://birthparents.kinshipcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Adolescents-Feelings-about-openness1.pdf"]http://birthparents.kinshipcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Adolescents-Feelings-about-openness1.pdf[/URL] Kind regards,Dickons

It would be interesting to know if there is a difference in open adoptions that are open right from the start and those that open up later.

Open adoption of siblings from foster care, home with us at 9,10, 5, & 14 yrs old, after 4 years in foster care with many foster homes, couple RUs. We live several hours away from first mom and prob. 800 mi. away from one of the first dads (only first dad in picture). We have maintained visits with the parents. Currently we are on a every 2 wk schedule with the first mom, as she has a 2 yr old daughter it is extremely important we see frequently. There is another sister not far from them. We see her frequently as well. Initially, the first dad acted like he wanted a relationship like many divorced dads have... coming to games & events, maybe even picking them up for weekend visits, calling frequently. That was worrisome. I do NOT want to coparent with either of the first parents. I can handle having a relationship with them like you'd give your kids with your own brother or sister whom you love and enjoy seeing, but would never trust to take your kids in the car somewhere or babysit. We can visit, and often as we need. But they were TPR'd for a legitimate reason I had no part of after many interventions to help parents, husband and I are the parents now. For us, having an open adoption is the only choice for several reasons. Most importantly, it's what's best for the kids. They know their parents can't parent, and don't make good choices. But they can love them and visit them and know they are ok. The parents are free to visit or not, on our terms. The first dad never parented much all along, and after alot of promises at first, his attention has pretty much dwindled. The kids have learned who he has, what he's like, that he seems to be a pretty nice guy, just clueless about being a dad. That helps them to know he didn't abandon and forget about them, he just doesn't know how and that's ok, they have a dad who does. As for the mom, they can now see she's a nice lady who loves them, she also just doesn't know how to manage life very well or parent well for long. (Explains the need for frequent visits with the baby sister). It went a LONG way to ease their fears of being cut off, healing the anger and actual hatred one of them had for her. It is easy doing it like this?? Not so much. Lots more car trips than what I would like. Expense of gas and meals out. We started homeschooling this year, to deal with the kids' issues, but also to make our frequent trips less disruptive to their education. So we probably take open adoption to more of an extreme than some others. But we also have to be the safety net for the sibling currently with mom, and a proven, documented track record for the county to they are in to ensure the sister comes HOME to her brothers and sisters if she needs to instead of adopted out as nearly happened once. Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!! My children are FAR healthier emotionally than when they came home. There's no comparing the anxiety... they know who their family is, where they are, and how they are doing. They know their siblings. They have a growing and loving relationship with them. They know their mama and daddy who adopted them love them to pieces and will make sacrifices for them, as parents should. They know they are important and they are loved and they are fought for. They never knew that in all the years before. I think that is the best gift we can give them.

Hi, I'm a bmom to a 20month old and we have a fully open adoption. I too am an adoptee of a closed adoption. The relationship I have with the family is one similar to that of step-family. We are rather close. THe amom is like a sister to me. OUr son is happy. In our paperwork I secured visits of up to 4 times a year yet because we are well bonded I'm welcome to visit most anytime when time permits. Which is nice because we live in the same state. I'm an advocate for open adoption. I think it's great that you'll leave it up to the child. My personal concern was simply that my son not feel like I just left him. Then again there are bmoms who can't handle seeing the child. I personally am not affected negatively which is probably rare...I've made a resolute decision that I would not have mournful feelings around him...even when far apart I trust that he and I have a spiritual bond and that he can still feel me....so when I think of him I send him warm thoughts and prayers of love peace and joy. I hope this is helpful. If I can be of any other support, I'd be glad to. THank you for choosing open adoption, I think it's so important for the adoptee to at least have access and to always know the truth right from the beginning.