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I'm 60. Adopted at age 11. Dysfunctional, abusive adoptive parents, who adopted (?) why? I never understood except "she" once raged she did it because it was the last chance to save her marriage. Not because she particularly liked kids. Crazy, huh? Left at age 16. I'm just looking to share, vent, maybe come to an understanding. Wondering if there are others out there close to my age who experienced adoption as an older child and how they handled it. I get stirred up whenever a news article hits the airwaves about adoptions gone wrong. Too many of these type of articles these days.
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Hi Mil, Welcome to the forums...not sure any of us fit your criteria but were are all really nice!!! I'm a decade behind you but adopted as an infant and have a wonderful mom and dad, incredibly moral and ethical individuals...it always hurts me to hear others didn't - enough to deal with just being an adoptee. How was your dad? Other family? Kind regards,Dickons
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Knew who I was, who my parents were, who my grands were. Had address & phone number to maternal grands memorized, knew my father's family and where they were but did this make it easier for me? I wonder. Knew when I could, I would find them. I was only on loan to the people who adopted my brother and I, and many a night I cried myself to sleep for the family not immediately available to me, who I thought loved me, but had abandoned us. Instead of love and caring we had the hateful words and rage the a-mom would show. We only wanted to be loved. Not asking too much. When I left, her tears did not touch me. Her pleadings "how could you do this to us", made me respond "how can I not?" It was leave them or commit suicide, as life was that bleak. No one could help us. Not the school counselor I went to in hopes of what, I really don't know. It made it worse. One never knows what goes on behind closed doors and the town did not know or if they suspected, they did not intervene. You didn't in those days.
Reunited with everyone in '73. We were not the same people. Spent two years with my mother, then moved to my father's home, met the man I married and stayed in that area for many years. Saw the couple who adopted me only twice after I left. When my brother graduated (he stayed with them as he remembered abuse at the hands of our b-mom) and they did treat him better after I left. "shook em up" I did! And when the a-father died my bro fetched me for funeral. Oh, how sorry I was I was there! I was like stone as she reached out for me to comfort her. Well, it's done now. It's in the past. Emotions get stirred up every now and then, which had me seeking out somewhere to share.