Q about "previous parenting experience"

You're perfect! Oh wait... I'm not a social worker in your county! But seriously, you have a lot of wonderful pluses listed there! What I think they don't want you to fill in is negative things, you know, any strikes against you re children. Keeping a child for a weekend, or a vacation is *huge*. It's more than many would-be parents, whether adoptive or bio, have done. I'll bet they'll feel llucky to have found you.

Some kids in foster care DO need experienced parents and there are Sw's who will not look at people who haven't parented before or who don't have any experience with therapeutic situations etc. Being a teacher is great but it doesn't prepare you for the real issues of parenting a severely abused or hurt child either. Then there are kids who would be fine with a new parent & your profile will be viewed by many!:) Having child care experience, being a teacher, your own childhood (family experience) are all elements of how we prepare for parenthood & let's face it, every mom & dad is a new parent at some point! My dh & I were not parents before we adopted a sibling group of 4, so don't let this deter you at all. It's all about finding the right match for families and to do that, they need all the information possible to determine who fits with each other.

Crick, what is it that prepares us for "the real issues of parenting a severely abused or hurt child" ?(Just kidding, though if you do have an answer, it should make you rich!)

I was actually thinking the same thing. I realize that being teacher is WAY different than being a parent. I get that. However, I think it actually may prepare me better for dealing with children with difficult pasts than parents of children who have no significant issues and have never dealt with such. Whether such a child should come into my life through adoption or biology, I have experience with issuse others have NEVER dealt with. I have a sexually abused child in my classroom right now. I have had a host of children with ADHD, two with Asperger's, another with a different PDD, one with RAD, one who was SEVERELY abused and negected (caged and starved)...I could go on, but I won't. Now, compare me and DH to a parent or couple who have previous experiece parenting children with special needs, and HANDS DOWN, I feel we would be at a disadvantage. However, I think having the experience I do have with special needs children 7 hours a day for the past decade would make me at least equally as desirable as someone with parenting experience of children without special needs....at least that's what I'm hoping. I just hope that this can be communicated and not just looked over as a couple with "no previous parenting experience." KWIM?

Thanks for the honest assessment and encouragement. I know some people think we are nuts for considering a sibling group when we have no children now. However, a sib group is my FIRST choice. Ulitmately, I would like to have 2-3 kids. I would love to adopt once and have that. Also, I think that children who can't live with their biological family will crave some sort of biological connection. I would like for my children to have some form of that. Also, coming from a large family, I understand how important sibling bonds can be. On the flip side of the biological connection issue, both DH and I were raised by step-fathers who neither of us view as steps in any way. They are simply our dads. (My biodad is alive but was abusive and drug addicted and had little to nothing to do with me most of my life. DH's biodad has been in his life only since we have been together.) We understand that bonding can be just as great without biology. I ramble...but I'm just so excited about our journey to adopt...I could type all night. :love:

Ladybug - As with anything, sometimes a little knowledge can also be a big downfall because some tend to think since they know so much they'll be able to face anything and everything that comes their way. Or they approach issues as if it's not a big deal. For example, some have approached potential matches with a "Well, I was a nanny for 8 years with a kid with x and x and did fine with him so I can do this" without putting everything else together. As you know, kids behave much much differently for teachers, nannies, therapists, etc. than they do for their parents and it can be a big shock to some when things are flipped. The feelings of "But it worked when I taught!" and "I'm supposed to be an expert in this & in reality I don't feel like I know what I'm doing" can be there and it can be very overwhelming. The more experience one has can mean the less help they'll seek when things go wrong due to shame or embarrassment.I'm not saying your teaching experience doesn't mean anything. I'm just saying the sw's look at everything involved in order to determine the best fit. (the good ones do anyway!) Personality is huge, the family background, the support system and on and on all count for so much too.Don't be discouraged - it's just another way to have eyes wide open!:)

Thanks, Crick. I completely understand what you are saying. I certainly hope we don't ever think we are "experts" and forget to ask for help when needed. I am proud of my job and my education, but if you know me IRL, you would find that I am quite humble and pretty quick to point out that I'm definitely not perfect. LOL! I'm the teacher who doesn't put on a dog and pony show for evaluations. I say, "Shoot, if I'm doing it wrong, you better tell me how to fix it." LOL! Thanks, again for you advice and input! :-)

Hi, We are first time parents to a sibling group and I experienced some of the concerns expressed here, that we would be rejected for more experienced parents. But our adoption specialist assured us, it would not count against us - it didnt. I do wish my husband and I had better prepared ourselves for suddenly parenting a sibling group. In our case they all wanted attention and if you spend 5 minutes talking to 1, the others wanted to know when is their turn - it was and still is exhausting but of course, I am not complaining, (not anymore!!) :flower:

I think you will be a great mom and any kid will be lucky to have you..We have to have faith our families will come together. Hubby and I are also childless. As a teacher you have more experience than average dealing with many different personalities and health issues. You are trained to tend to kids whom you have no initial bond with and it is prob in your nature to nurture guide and bond quickly.. Good luck. In any case you will be an awesome parent advocate for their education~